1. There's a reason I don't usually talk to strangers.
I was trying to be polite when the old Jew who sat next to me in the park started babbling about the state of the world in which we live - at least I thought he was an old Jew until he blamed 9/11 on the Jews. I was offended not by his antisemitism, but by his lack of originality. I wanted to tell the Dane Cook of conspiracy theorists that blaming the Jews for 9/11 had been done to death by mental patients way more talented than him, but I just got up and left before he was able to see my horns.
2. There's a reason I've never been to Crumbs Bakery (until yesterday)
I don't have a problem paying four bucks for a cupcake so big you need a fork to eat it, if the cupcake is actually good. I have a better, more appropriate name for this place - "Stale." I'm not sure which was worse - the fact that I could only finish half the cupcake because one more bite would have put me into a diabetic coma, or the fact that I sat next to the future cast of NYC Prep while I was eating it. If I'm gonna force feed myself a dry, shitty cupcake just to get my money's worth, I don't need to listen to a group of 9th graders whose handbags cost more than my mortgage payment use the word "like" fifteen times a sentence.
3. Fareed Zakaria is "a antisemite schmuck" - according to my great aunt.
I have nothing against the guy. I'm pretty sure he knows who's responsible for 9/11 - the Mexicans.