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Tuesday, November 5, 2013

An Open Letter: A Repost


After hearing about some of the Colombian's friends' dating woes, it's clear that my open letter dated May 23, 2008, didn't reach as many men as it should have. Therefore, I'm reposting it in the hope that no other woman ever has to go on a date with a guy who tells her his sexual connection with his ex is so strong that he sleeps with her whenever he sees her. (An actual guy actually said that to one of the Colombian's actual friends on an actual date). So this is for you, ex-girlfriend fucker, and for the other clueless men like you. Please read and learn:

AN OPEN LETTER TO THE GUYS WHO SCREW MY SHIT UP

After numerous discussions with single women, it's obvious that my cause is not being helped by a lot of the single guys out there. Their idiotic, childish, self involved behavior has heaped so much baggage upon so many available, desirable women that a dude like me doesn't stand a chance. As such, I feel compelled to address these unintentional cock blockers.

So:

To the guys out there who think "Wanna come over and fuck?" is a great opening line in an IM session, it's not. If it were that easy, nothing in the world would ever get accomplished. The entire infrastructure of our society would collapse. People would be screwing in the streets, instead of doing their jobs. There would be utter chaos, and we'd all wind up living in caves without electricity or plumbing.

To the guys who post pictures of themselves in their profiles without shirts, I've yet to meet a woman who thinks that's a turn on. No one gives a shit how much you can bench press, so put down the steroids and the barbells, walk away from the mirror you flex in front of all day, and pick up a book. Reading is fundamental, and you're probably gay anyway.

To the guys who tell chicks they "can get lost just staring into their eyes" on first dates, that'll only work if the chick is really into you. But if you're the type of guy who uses lines like that ten minutes after meeting someone, I can't imagine there are any chicks out there that would actually be into you anyway. Just tell her she has really pretty eyes. It's a compliment without being creepy, and you need to learn how not to be creepy.

To the guys who invite women to an event and tell them: "Your ticket is $65. You can pay me when I see you," that's something you tell your guy friend, not someone you hope to see naked. Unless, of course, you wanna see your guy friend naked, in which case, get in touch with the guy who poses shirtless on Jdate.

To the guys who insist on ordering for their dates in restaurants, stop taking your dating cues from movies from the 1930s. "The lady will have the lemon pepper shrimp " is not something you should be saying unless the lady has told you that's what she wants, and has given you the okay to order for her. Otherwise, let them order their own damn food. They're your dates, not your three year old daughters.

To the guys who say they're gonna call after a first date, but only intend on calling if nothing better comes along, stop being selfish douchebags. If you're not motivated enough to call her based on her own merits, just say, "It was nice meeting you," and go home. Odds are she wasn't interested in you anyway, so why not just go your separate ways like mature adults?

To the guys who practically show their dates their pay stubs, and brag about the apartments they just bought, just tell your dates you're insecure little shits with small dicks instead. At least they'll appreciate your honesty.

To the guys who ask women out via barely comprehensible text messages, grow up. You wanna text message people things like "LOL," or "ROFLMAO"? - go hang out in the mall with the other 14 year old girls and their Sidekicks, or pick up a goddamn phone, and ask a woman out like a man.

To the guys who lie in their profiles about their height, weight, or amount of hair on their heads, and then get pissed off when women do the same, the lying women are the ones you should be with. Why?- because you're both fucking liars! Let the herd of truth distorters be thinned so the rest of us who are honest can meet each other.

And finally to the self-proclaimed "players" who secretly video tape their conquests, and show the footage to their friends, as cool and as uber-hetero as you think that is, you too may wanna email the shirtless Jdate guy. You clearly don't respect women, and wanting other dudes to see your hairy balls and ass clearly indicates that your overcompensating by trying to bang as many women as possible.

It is to all these men, and to the others like them that I haven't mentioned in the interest of brevity, that I say:

You are the stinking turds nestled safely at the bottom of the dating pool. When you're discovered, women go running out and never want to jump back in. Remedy your ways, or don't go swimming anymore!

Sincerely,

Marc F.
5/23/08

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14 comments:

Christina said...

Bravo! This was definitely worth the reprint. Oh, if only more guys took this to heart.

lafemmeroar said...

I call such men M.I.L.K. (Men I'd Like to Kick--right between the legs)

chiara said...

I love this! Great stuff!

Lorinne said...

And the guy who tells you he knows he's not the addictive type because he tried cocaine a couple of times and he doesn't want it now!

Ninu said...

well said..all dating sites should have this open letter as an advance warning to all the crazy guys out there..

s said...

incredible read.

Erica Wiens said...

Fabulous post. For your consideration, I would also like to nominate those men who, rather than simply ending a relationship three dates in, start acting like douche bags so you have to end it. Seriously, if things aren't working for you, just be honest. Trust me, the other person might feel the same way and she'll probably just do the adult thing and move on.

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Anonymous said...

I had a guy ACTUALLY bring his paystubs on a third date.

Great post!

Miss_A said...

This is quite possibly one of the best posts I've read in a long time. Everything you mentioned is completely unacceptable behavior. Not only to men have to stop doing this stuff, women have to stop accepting this stuff. Men (and women) of the world can learn a lot from you! Bravo!

-Miss A
http://www.disillusionedblackgirl.com/

dani lovestrong said...

I totally love this post. There are so many things that men are doing out here. Its only because women allow and put up with the piss poor behavior. You have me considering writing a post about some of the things I have experienced. Some stuff is just mind blowing. Thanks for keepin it real
Dani Lovestrong
www.danilovestrong.com

Jianna Gonzalez said...

Keep blogging.

Jianna Gonzalez said...

Thanks for the knowledge.

questions to people said...

One Word: Excellent!!!