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Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Ménage à true?

The closest I've ever come to being involved in a three-way was when I got a hand job from an ex-girlfriend while she was on the phone with a friend. None of my close friends have ever been with more than one chick at a time because if they were, I know I'd have heard about it many, many, many times.

So when this guy I kinda sorta know kept bragging to me this weekend about the "two hottties" he "banged last night," I was doubtful to say the least. I've been to plenty of social gatherings during which I've wound up talking to some drunk guy who feels the need to confess his sexual exploits to me, either real or imagined. "I was just with this Puerto-Rican chick," "Dude, you should have seen this piece of ass I went out with the other day," "You ever do a Saudi Arabian chick? You should!" are all things I've been forced to listen to while standing next to some guy at some party. When I don't know these so called men, I usually give them the benefit of the doubt and just assume they're telling the truth. But when a guy, who I have trouble believing has ever had sex with anyone, tells me he had a ménage with two of the best looking women I've seen in a while, I'm less inclined to extend him that same courtesy.

"What? You don't believe me?" he asked after he told me what he did with the ladies in question.

"Why shouldn't I believe you?" I said.

"I don't know. You seem kinda suspicious."

"Me, suspicious? Nah. Why? Because I can't imagine any woman, let alone two at a time, wanting to so much as talk to you?" I thought, but actually said: "No. Not at all."

"You want me to ask them to come over?"

"You're goddamn right I do! I want to hear both of these women say that they fucked you last night in an actual three-way, and that neither one of them was paid to do so," I thought, but actually said: "I believe you, man. It's cool."

He walked away angry and I wondered why he needed so desperately for me to believe him, or why the other guys in their thirties and forties at the other parties needed to prove how cool they were. Are they stuck in a state of arrested development so severe that they can't move beyond the "Dude, smell my finger" stage of their sexual development? Or am I so goddamn cool that guys just wanna impress me? Maybe they know that that hand job/phone call was the closest thing any of us have gotten to a three-way, and they want me as their leader.


Dark Cloud Nine said...

haha men are funny... truth is, I've heard a few guys say that it was not always that fun, especially when one of the girls is your girlfriend and she is choosing the other girl over you. Men fantasize about getting attention from two women at the same time. THAT is BS.

beforewisdom said...

I'll never be a feminist or a "sensitive male", thanfully, but I've also wondered(and been turned off by ) why many men can't seem to talk about women with other men without regressing back to junior highschool mentality.