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Monday, August 24, 2009

THE EMPEROR IS EATING PINKBERRY

I know I'm in the minority, but I'm just gonna come right out and say it: Pinkberry tastes like ass! I don't get the long lines out the door, nor do I understand how people can stomach putting that vile, overpriced slop in their mouths. Maybe Pinkberry puts something in its yogurt that appeals only to those with more estrogen in their systems than testosterone since the lines out the doors are always comprised mostly of women. But to me and my balls, Pinkberry tastes like the milk they used was sour coming out of the cow, and throwing fruit on it doesn't disguise the grimace inducing hideousness of its flavor.

So when last night's date called a half hour before we were supposed to get together and suggested we meet at Pinkberry instead of at Starbucks, as previously planned, I hesitated.

"You don't like Pinkberry?" she asked.
"Not really, but that's cool. It's about the company anyway," I said.
"Hmmm. I really want Pinkberry."
"Don't worry about it. I'll sit with you while you eat."
"I don't know. It'll be weird if only I'm eating. I guess I'll have to push it off for another time."
"Yeah, well. Pinkberry isn't going anywhere."
"No. I mean our date. I really, really want Pinkberry. I was away for most of the weekend and there were no Pinkberries near me. I've been thinking about it since Friday."

I could have suggested that she get the yogurt before we met, but if she was gonna cancel a date because she was fiending for some Pinkberry, then far be it from me to get in between a girl and her curdled yogurt addiction.

"Well, enjoy it," I said, without offering to reschedule.
"Uhh, ooookay. I will," she said, as if she was annoyed that I wasn't interested in coming in second to a nine dollar cup of turd.

The friend who tried to set us up already gave me hell for not going out with her and force feeding myself the yogurt. But I'm pretty sure Ms. Pinkberry isn't for me, and I can only hope that her ass got bigger with each spoonful.

12 comments:

Dark Cloud Nine said...

hm yeah, if it really happened like that and if she wasn't joking or fishing for compliment (who knows, girls are weird aren't they?) then no regret for sure... she would have been super high maintenance!! btw, I really don't like people who force you to eat when they are... like will they force you to go to the restrooms when they have to pee too?

Greg Lauren said...

pinkberry does taste like ass. it's sugar and food coloring, that was somehow magically turned into something that wants to resemble frozen yogurt.

valerie said...

Where do you find these women????

Dori said...

I'm sorry that you can't appreciate the wonder that is Pinkberry. Yes, it's overpriced and overhyped, but Oh! The cool tangy goodness ...

Little Match Girl said...

I have to say, I am not a fan of Pinkberry. But that said, I had a good laugh at the level of importance she placed on Pinkberry, yeah, probably not for you...

beforewisdom said...

Good for you.

I just finished a book about a scientist who survived breast cancer by reviewing the research for herself while she was dying. The short of it is that she saved her life by giving up milk. According to her milk has growth hormones in it that are identical to hormones humans have. The hormone 1GF-1 promotes both breast and prostate cancer growth.

The scientist, Dr. Jane Plant, was the first woman to head The British Geological Survey. No dummy.

http://tinyurl.com/m9c8xx

If you are going to pay for cancer, I can think of more fun ways than overpriced yogurt.

The Bare Essentials Today said...

Wow, you have got to be kidding me! Where did you find her? lol!

Anonymous said...

I like Pinkberry, but I'd certainly never choose it over a coffee date. Coffee is the sweet elixir of the gods, and good company is something you can't buy. -jessica

date hater said...

That's hysterical. I do like Pinkberry (but prefer Red Mango) but that's irrelevant. But just when I thought the single men had issues, you have proven it is usually the women that are crazy. Love it!

Anonymous said...

What happened to the colombian woman you were dating? I thought things were going well...

how to write a profile said...

I never liked Pinkberry. Coffee all the way my man.

Ann said...

While I can't attest to the supposed awesomeness or lack thereof of Pinkberry, I once had a guy I was interested in tell me he couldn't make a potential date because he needed to go grocery shopping, so I totally understand the lack of enthusiasm for coming in second to some inane, flexible activity...dating blows, but I totally love reading your blog!