PAYING FOR IT (MY OP-ED PIECE ON THE SPITZER SCANDAL)

I don't judge. Who a man screws is his own business as long as the screwee is a consenting adult.

How much he pays for it is another story.

The only way I'd pay $5,000 to get laid is if I had a coupon for $4,999...or a mail in rebate... something. Maybe if I got to do it in a pile of 4,999 dollar bills, and got to keep the bills after a thorough cleaning, I'd consider it. I guess it could be a pile of 249 or so twenties too, or 49 hundreds, 4 twenties, a ten, and nine singles...either way I ain't paying more than a buck...and even then, I'd want change.

I don't believe in paying money to get laid. The misery of dating women who cancel at the last minute, or want me to fix their computers so they can contact a guy on Jdate is payment enough for me. Whenever I am lucky enough to meet someone who's ready, willing, and able, I know I've paid my dues to get it. I appreciate that it's easier for a married man who's looking for some no strings side action to call a hooker. That's his business. I also understand that a man in a position of power in the public eye, for whom money is not a concern, isn't picking up three toothed crack whores in the Bronx.

But what in the hell could a chick possibly do for you for five grand an hour? There's no woman hot enough, or good enough in bed to warrant that kind of spending. How great of a lay can one woman be? How mind boggling a blow job can she give? Even if you like to get REEEEAAALY freaky, what level of debauchery is worth that kind of money? Were there farm animals involved? Because there's no way it could cost more than a few hundred bucks to rent a couple of sheep for an hour. The math just doesn't work.

Apparently he wasn't paying for discretion because these broads rolled on him in exchange for immunity like the heroin addict they catch 10 minutes into Law and Order rolls on the guy that masterminded the murder. At the very least, these chicks owe Spitzer a refund...or like 1500 hand jobs.