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Monday, May 21, 2007

THE GEEK ZONE

Had lunch date yesterday with bachelorette number...well, who knows anymore. I've lost count. Anyway, the lunch was pleasant enough and she looked even better in person than she did in her picture so no complaints there. As the busboy was clearing our table, she mentioned that she was having computer issues, and that she's been unable to connect to the internet since Friday afternoon. I know a thing or two about computers so I tried to give her some tips on what she should do to resolve the issue. Since she's fairly computer illiterate, nothing I was saying made the least bit of sense to her, and she asked if I could come over to her apartment and take a look at her computer. Needless to say, when an attractive woman invites me to her apartment, I go.

We get to her apartment, and I solve the problem in a matter of seconds. Her modem simply needed to be powered off and on. She becomes ecstatic, and goes on and on telling me how I saved her life, how she can't thank me enough, etc. Now when I say this woman was ecstatic, I mean it. She was borderline orgasmic that I got her internet connection to work again. So I'm thinking I'm golden. Here's an attractive woman whose apartment I'm in, showering me with praise. It's a guy's dream, right?

Just when I think the drought may be over, she hits me with, "I can finally email back that cute Jdate guy. I hope he doesn't get annoyed that it took me so long to respond." At this point I began to have an out of body experience, during which I saw myself turning into The Incredible Hulk. My eyes started to bulge, and I could almost hear myself telling her not to get me angry, that she wouldn't like me when I'm angry. As I experienced this altered state, all I could think is "SHE HOPES THE JDATE GUY ISN'T ANNOYED?!"

But instead of turning green and busting out of my clothes, I took a deep breath, went to my happy place, and told her there was one last thing I needed to do to make sure her computer worked properly. I then right clicked on her internet connection icon, clicked on "disable," and told her she was all set. She thanked me again and asked if she could call me if she had any more issues. She then giggled and told me how great it is to have her own personal geek squad. Clever chick, huh?... Did this girl not know we were on a date? I'm not sure what she was confused by - the part where we met on a DATING site or the part where I paid for lunch? Either way, I was now officially in the "geek zone," a status even more pathetic than the "friend zone." I didn't really respond to her request for future tech support, and I just told her I had to go.

Meanwhile, guess who left me three voicemails already? I hope Jdate guy appreciates what I did for him.

8 comments:

Mo said...

You were too kind. You should've given her a virus.

Kira said...

nice move at the end. maybe she'll even go out and buy a new computer because she just can't figure it out (so we hope). i've never heard of getting "friended" like that on a first date; she's obviously socially inept and clearly doesn't get it at all. consider yourself a lucky guy.

isaac said...

Maybe a little water on the keyboard.

Steve said...

Call her back and tell her you'll fix her computer for a fee. The geek squad doesn't work for free.

Rebecca said...

Wow, what a bitch. You sure gave her what she deserved, good job! I agree with Steve; make some $ off this stupid girl!

Jake said...

I think the frustrated voicemails about her internet not working are payment enough.

Ron said...

This revenge thing feels good, right? Believe me, I had been there, too, and after being mistreated for a long time, it's great to DO SOMETHING about it.

Here's the problem: If you feel too much like you need to strike back at someone, it's time to take a break. Just swear off the Internet dating thing for a month or two, take a breath, and maybe explore new interests. Believe me, you won't miss out on your B'Shert. Maybe visiting your grandmother is not such a bad thing right now after all!

A few decades ago, women wanted the kind of guy who could change the oil and fix the plumbing. Now it's computer repair. Maybe you can turn this skill into an advertising strength?

About this particular chick: Maybe you can trade your fixing her computer for her cooking you dinner. Make her invest in you a bit! Hey, even offer to bring a movie (and bring flowers and/or wine).

Look, even as an old married guy, I stumbled across your blog via you comments on someone else's, and I gotta say you are a good, funny writer. Just remember that you need other elements of your social life besides Internet dating. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt.

Marc F. said...

Ron, what I did was so harmless and easily repairable that it was no big deal. She's just another in a pile of many dates gone bad. I assure you there will be no dinners with her or future computer repairs.

Thanks for the kind words and the advice.