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Thursday, March 13, 2008

Spitzer Should've Just Joined Jdate

My first reaction to the pictures of Spitzer's "lady friend" was, "Holy shit. Those pics could totally be in a Jdate profile." Think about it. She looks kind of sexy in that first pic so you click on her profile to see a second self taken webcam picture that looks nothing like the first pic. You start to wonder. Is this the same person? Then you look more closely, and you realize she has the same nose, eyes, and lips, so yeah, it's the same person, but what does she look like now? Then, of course, there's the requisite sunglasses pic because everyone thinks they look good in sunglasses. But that pic looks nothing at all like the first two. Now you're even more confused. However, she's attractive, and you think about emailing her anyway... until you read her profile, which contains gems like "If I never went through the hard times, I would not be able to appreciate the good ones," (taken from her myspace page, and from every episode of Oprah). You roll your eyes, and move on to the next profile. But then you go back, and email her anyway, thinking, "What do I have to lose? It's only an email."...But she never responds because every other guy on Jdate thought the same damn thing. In fact, most other guys never even read her profile and her homage to Maya Angelou. They just saw the slightest hint of cleavage in that third pic, and that was enough to hit the "email" button.

Spitzer could've saved himself $4,960.01 by signing up for the $39.99 Jdate fee...and that's for a month, not an hour. There's no guarantee she'd respond to him if he emailed this chick, but listing "Governor of NY" as his occupation might have helped his cause. And if he got busted trying to pick up chicks on Jdate, he'd get a whole lot of shit from his wife, but it beats getting caught going to whores, and being globally humiliated.

The bottom line is you know you got screwed when Jdate turns out to be a bargain.