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Monday, March 31, 2008

The Drive By

I stood on the corner of 81st and 2nd - our agreed upon meeting place. I told her I'd meet her inside the Starbucks, but she insisted that I wait on the corner. She was driving in from Jersey, and we discussed the possibility of going somewhere further downtown. She didn't want to deal with looking for parking twice so she wanted me to wait for her on the corner like some meat packing district trannie whore at precisely 7:30 pm. I knew it was gonna be pretty damn cold out on Saturday night, and it was, so I told her to just call me when she got to our designated meeting place, and I'd jump right out and meet her. "I'd really rather you waited outside," she said when we spoke that afternoon. I had neither the patience, nor the desire to argue with her, so I gave in like the spineless shithead who's been on too many dates, that I am.

I sat in the Starbucks until 7:28, when I stepped outside to meet this demanding New Jersey resident. I waited, and shivered until around 7:34, when a white Toyota, covered in bird shit, with Jersey plates slowed down at the corner. The female driver looked in my general direction, and took off. The driver seemed a little older than the woman in the picture I was sent by the person who set us up, but she was gone so quickly it was really hard to tell if it was her. I stood there like an ass until 7:41, when the same Toyota pulled up to the corner, and came to a complete stop. The driver rolled down her window and said, "Marc?"

"Yes," I replied.

"Hey. Get in," she said.

"Sarah?," I said cautiously.

"Yeah, yeah, get in. It's cold," she responded as she rolled her window back up.

It must be real cold inside that heated car, I thought. I'm the one that's been freezing my nuts off for the past thirteen minutes waiting for you, you asshole, my internal voice continued. I wanted to lay into her so badly, but instead I just got into the car to get some warmth.

"Was that you who drove by around 5,10 minutes ago, and then drove off?," I asked, as I sat in the passenger seat of her filthy Camry, wondering whether or not they had car washes in Jersey.

"Yeah," she said.

"Why didn't you stop?," I inquired.

"I was checking you out. One of the advantages of not living in the city and having a car. You can drive off if you don't like what you see," she said giggling.

"So how come you didn't stop the first time?," I asked, as my body temperature shot immediately back up to its normal level due to my blood boiling.

"I couldn't really get a good look the first time, and I didn't want you to see me."

"Well, I saw you."

"But I stopped the second time," she said, as if I was supposed to feel honored.

"I think you're gonna have to stop a third time," I responded.


"To let me out," I said.

"Really?, she asked, surprised.

"Really!," I responded angrily.

"FINE!, she said, equally as angrily, as she jerked the car over to the curb. She barely came to a complete stop, and I somehow managed to jump out without having to tuck and roll like I was Chuck Norris in some cheesy 80's action movie.

The last thing I heard her bark was, "Can you close the door?!... It's freezing!"

No shit, bitch, I thought to myself, as I ignored her, and walked the ten blocks home in the cold.