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Wednesday, November 7, 2007

Sometimes It Just Ain't Worth It

Sometimes you hear or see things that make you happy, or momentarily pleased, not to have a significant other in your life...or at least in your bed. One such instance occurred over the weekend as I rode the train down to Union Square to meet up with a friend. I overheard a guy in his mid-twenties talking to his buddy. The conversation, as best I can recall, went something like this:

Guy #1: We went out to eat at that Mexican place on 81st.
Guy #2: How was it?
Guy #1: Not bad. But dude...I'm so sorry I brought her back to my place after.
Guy #2: Why, what happened?
Guy #1: She stunk up my bedroom like you wouldn't fuckin' believe.
Guy #2: NO WAY! What did she eat?
Guy #1: Some kinda Quesadilla thing.
Guy #2: That's fucked up.
Guy #1: Yeah, it was like all under the blankets and shit. I had to fluff it out to air it out, and then I opened the window....I woke her up, and she started complaining that it was too cold. We got into this whole argument about closing the window at 4 in the morning. She was like yelling at me. Got all bitchy.
Guy #2: Did you tell her why you were opening the window?
Guy #1: Nah. I didn't wanna embarrass her.
Guy #2: Yeah, I hear ya. At least you got laid.
Guy #1: I was like gagging, dude. It wasn't worth it.

And then he said two more words that made me have to refrain from laughing out loud so hard that I'd wet myself.

Guy #1: Fuckin Jdate!

The truth is, it probably wasn't worth it, but I admire this guy's chivalry. He put up with the ire of an angry, gaseous Jdate chick at 4AM just so he wouldn't embarrass her. I hope she appreciates his gentlemanliness. Although, sadly, I don't think she'll ever reap its benefits because she's probably already out of the picture.

Somewhere there's a phone that's not ringing, and a woman who'll probably never really know why. She'll ask her friends why he never called again, and they'll tell her he's just a jerk. She'll think she slept with him too early, when in fact, she just should never have ordered the Quesadilla.

8 comments:

mike said...

Beans, beans are good for your heart...but never eat them if you're gonna sleep over at some guy's place.

JJ said...

If she was being so bitchy, he should've told her why he was opening the window and fluffing the blanket. She needed to be called out for the farter she is.

Brian said...

Bitchy and gassy...Yum!...You should've asked the guy for her Jdate screen name.

sharon said...

eeew...seriously...poor choice of entree.

Ken said...

Mexican restaurant + Dutch Oven + Bad attitude = don't expect a call.

Simple arithmetic.

Herself said...

Haha. At least until we reach a certain level in the relationship, I refuse to eat at certain joints where I know I will get gas. I don't fart, he doesn't dump at my place. I could care less, but appreciate the chivalry.
When you are close and in love on a course to the long term, it's okay. When you're still a'courtin', not so okay.
The niceties are definitely nice.
(Still giggling over this blog).

del said...

"I bend down to pet my cat and I shoot my canary!"
-- Old post-Mexican food saying.

Maybe he shoulda gotten an incence (sp?) candle?

Cucumber said...

Listen, farting is a healthy thing. It means the food is digest properly and broken down into simpler compounds. He should have been happy his girl's health. Come on, chicks give blow jobs can't they at least get a little farting space in return.