Whenever I call a woman for the first time and get their voicemail, I always leave a message that they can call me back until 11pm. I'm usually up way past then, but I just assume that most people aren't. I figure with an eleven o'clock cut off, it gives them plenty of time to call me back, without the call cutting into my private time. After 11, I'd rather not deal with the pre-date phone interview. I've had too many of them at this point, and a guy needs some personal time to just veg in front of the TV and relax before bed.
So yesterday evening I left my standard "you can call me till 11" message for the latest blog subject. Eleven o'clock came and went, and I hadn't heard from her so I assumed she'd call today, or not at all. At around 11:45, I got out of the shower and saw that she left me a voicemail at 11:42 saying, "Give me a call when you get a chance." Clearly, she's not one for following instructions, but I figured what the hell? I was feeling fresh and clean, and I had a chance, so why not give her a quick call back if she was up and about at that hour.
Here's what basically transpired when I called:
Her (half asleep): Hello?
Me: Hi. This is Marc. I'm sorry. Did I wake you?
Her (annoyed): Yes.
Me: Oh, well, go back to sleep then. Sorry. We can talk tomorrow.
Her: Why would you call me so late?
Me: You called me 3 minutes ago. I assumed you'd still be up.
Her (even more annoyed): Well, I wasn't.
Me: It was literally 3 minutes ago.
Her: I don't know about you, but I have to be at work tomorrow morning.
Me: Okay, well, again, sorry. We'll talk another time.
She then lets out a loud, fake yawn to further her point that I woke her up. Like I'm supposed to feel guilty now.
Her (like she's doing me a favor): Well, I'm up already, what's up?
Me: (maintaining my cool , and trying to be funny): What's up? Clearly not you. Let's do this tomorrow.
Her: It's just I don't get how you could think it was okay to call me so late.
Me: You said, "Give me a call when you get a chance"....3 minutes ago!
Her: You didn't want me calling you after 11 so why would you call me at close to midnight.
Me: But you DID call me after 11. Well after 11. In fact, it was 3 minutes ago, remember?
Her: I figured I'd just leave you a voicemail, which I did.
Me: You could have woken ME up. Would that have been okay?
Her: I never would have woken you up. I'm not like that.
Me: How could you have known you wouldn't wake me up?
Her: Because I'm courteous and respectful, and don't do things like that.
I then took a deep breath, and looked around to see if Rod Serling was in my apartment smoking a cigarette because I felt like I had entered the freaking Twilight Zone.
Me (in my head): Oh my fucking god! Why have I not hung up on this ass already?
Me (what I actually said): We've gotten off on the wrong foot here. You get to bed, and I'll call you at a more appropriate time.
Her (still annoyed): Fine. Good night.
I should have called her again when I got up at 4:32 AM to take a leak just to let her know I was thinking of her, but I doubt that would have elicited one of those "Aww. That's so sweet" responses from her. Instead, I'll wait for that "more appropriate time" to call her again, which is likely to be never.