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Monday, October 22, 2007

The Fake Reach

I never let my dates pay. Whether it's $9 at Starbucks on a first date, or $90 at a real restaurant on a second or third date, I always get the check. It's the gentlemanly thing to do so I do it. I'm not saying I like it, but I understand that it needs to be done. Once in a while, though, it's nice when the woman makes a fake reach for the check when the waiter puts it on the table. You know, that sort of half-assed reach where she says, "Oh, let me...," but then you cut her off, grab the check, and say, "No. No. I got it." At least when a woman does that, you know she's making an effort to let you know she understands dating isn't cheap and that she appreciates you paying. In the past, I've gotten lots of "fake reaches," and the occasional "Are you okay with that?" remark as I busted out my credit card. Lately, however, NOTHING. The check just sits on the table in that leather thing until I eventually grab it, and stick my Amex into it. Sometimes I grab it right away, other times I let it sit there waiting for the woman to maybe reach for it. But I've learned that if the woman doesn't "fake reach" for it instantly, it'll never happen.

Well, the latest date over the weekend didn't do the fake reach, which is fine, but if you're not gonna do the fake reach, then you must at the very least do the "fake thank you," which she didn't either. I figured maybe she was saving the thank yous for the end of the date. You know, "Thank you for dinner, thank you for a nice time", etc. But such was not the case. As I walked her to her building, all I got was a "Good night. Take care," and she was gone...kind of like my desire to ever call her again.


isaac said...

A reach is appreciated whether genuine or not.

Miranda said...

I always do the reach... but not every guy thinks it's fake. Maybe that's why some girls don't do it! More often than not I end up paying for my share - which is only fair I suppose, but it does make me think my date is cheap if he doesn't pay. And I still thank him for taking me out, even if my reach was accepted.

I don't think it's always the guy's duty to pay for me, but it impresses me if he does. I think it's more income related. If I earn more than the guy I'm dating, I'm happy to pay for him.

Tiny E said...

I always do the reach and it's always genuine. (Unless it's the first date and the guy asked me out - then I think he should pay. Of course, if I did the asking then I think I should pay. I still do the reach though.) I can't imagine just sitting there and waiting for the check fairy to pay the bill. If I were you, I could have sat there all night waiting for her to make the move.

rebecca said...

What a rude bitch, I ALWAYS thanked my dates when they paid the bill, even if I had a feeling that I may never see that particular guy again! My boyfriend, whom I've been with for over a year and just moved in with 3 weeks ago, still insists on paying for practically everything despite my protests, so it's a triumph for me when I actually get to pay for something!

Anonymous said...

sometimes i dont do the reach, but i have a reason why..
a guy i know explained to me that its rude and disrespectful and embarassing for a girl to try and pay when hes around - obviously i think thats ridiculous, but since he made it very clear to me that a guy doesnt appreciate it when a girl jumps in and pays or even tries to, i sometimes dont do the reach.
i also hate being fake about it - if hes going to pay, let him do it from start to finish. if im gonna pay.. let me do it. no point in playing those games of pretending.

but i always say thank you..

pumpkin said...

I am always nervous that if a woman offers to pay the check it's as if she is saying: "I think you're not making that much"; or better yet: "I don't like you so at least I'll pay for the meal".
Neither is very flattering.

~ Sarah ~ said...

Depends on the guy and circumstances whether I'll offer to pay. If it's been an awful date then I don't bother offering :P he can totally pay.
If it's someone I like, I'll offer in a way that is polite and respectful, if the situation is appropriate. Always a thank you when they pay either way. Dating is expensive!

Herself said...

I find myself embarrassed on behalf of women that she didn't thank you for "a lovely time," or whatever.
I myself tend to assume the man will pay when courting, but will offer to cover the pre-dinner cocktails, or the like.
At least now that I've been seeing a guy for a few months, at least I can offer to cook dinner in (which is a total big deal on the dating timeline).
Someone needs to send some of the heifers you've dated to finishing school or something. I was even practically raised by wolves (I know, I know), but still maintain at least a modicum of manners. Geez.

Anonymous said...

I never reached... But when the guy picked it up I always offered to pay my share. If it was post 3rd date, I would occasionally treat.

Oh, and don't worry about not having a deisre to call her, a "good night, take care" is quite final.. she would not even answer the phone if you did call.