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Tuesday, October 16, 2007

The Red String

I knew the latest setup probably wasn't going to go well when my date walked into the Starbucks we agreed to meet at wearing one of those Kaballah red strings on her wrist. The date started off pleasantly enough, but eventually turned into a lecture about good and bad energy, and holy water that can cure whatever ails you. I tried my best to listen with an open mind, but it wasn't long before I thought about how I could turn her red string into a noose and hang myself.

I'm all in favor of expanding one's horizons and seeking truth and meaning in the world, but when this chick told me that my energy needed to be realigned, I told her I've been a bit constipated lately, but overall my energy was just fine. Needless to say, she didn't see the humor in my remark, and she recommended that I visit the Kabalah center's website and purchase something called "The Living Kabbalah System Level 1 (retail price $199). She claimed it would change my life. At this point, I was regretting buying her the Tazo Chai Frappucino for six bucks so dropping two bills to line the pockets of some Rabbi who hangs with Madonna wasn't exactly at the top of my list of things to do. I tried to change the subject, but this chick was way too into proselytizing mode to even listen to me.

After about an hour of listening to her sing the praises of a cult she's been a member of for all of about two months, I decided it was time to go before she offered me a cup of Kool Aid. As we said our goodbyes, she handed me a flyer for a Kabbalah lecture next week that she said, "I should REALLY attend." I wanted to tell her I had a date with a Scientologist that day, but instead I took the flyer and filed it in the trash can on the corner on my walk home.

9 comments:

Brian said...

Did she think she was on a date or a missionary expedition?

dave said...

This reminds of when I went on a few dates a while back with a woman who was into this thing called "The Foundation" (I think that's what it was called). It seemed to be some sort of self help cult. Once I told her, I wasn't interested in attending meetings, but that I had no problem with her being into it, she stopped returning my calls.

freddie said...

Your energy needed to be realigned? What, like a freakin' car? Someone needs to tell this chick that her date personality needs a major realignment. Save the preaching until at least date # 3.

Luke Mark Matthew Moshe said...

Lol. Great story. Man, you're closed in the matrix and have to let the light in. For a small fee of $1,000,000 - no $1,000,000,000 -I'll send you a matrix-energetics packet. Mwahaha...

AC said...

I admire your restraint in wanting to hang yourself and not her with the red string.

will said...

That red string thing is still in? I thought that fad was done. Maybe whoever set you up with this one, can find you a nice Jew for Jesus...at least they don't try and sell you $20 bottles of water.

Miranda said...

What a nightmare. Poor you. It's sad that people allow themselves to be so brainwashed as to totally devoid themselves of their own personality.

I thought the point of a first date was to get to know someone? Or maybe she just goes on dates so she can practice her sales pitch...

Either way, she obviously doesn't have a sense of humor.

Martwork said...

Your dating life is exhausting me!!! Keep looking....there are some normal ones out there....I hope.

Shira Young said...

She's just the wrong type for you. Go meet some women in a temple. See how it goes. Why not be open to new experiences in this way? Really. There are good bunny rabbits out there.