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Friday, September 7, 2007

He May Actually Be Into You

So I was checking my hotmail account the other day, and in addition to someone named Yvette offering me an "ass licking of a lifetime," I noticed one of those MSN articles on the homepage about dating. The advice given in those articles is usually so trite and eye roll inducing that I feel the same way after reading them as I do after channel surfing and catching a quick glimpse of "According To Jim"...unentertained and even a little angry! I personally know a couple of people that have written some of those "dating tips" articles, and they're as qualified to give dating advice as a $10 toothless hooker is to give a class on making good lifestyle choices.

However, this one particular article was written by someone who raised an interesting scenario... one that I've experienced, and I'm sure many others have as well. So much has been made of that "He's Just Not That Into You" phenomenon, that no one really discusses the "What if he IS into you, and you're into him, but you don't give him any signals that you are so he never calls again?" phenomenon. The writer of this particular article describes a date he went on where midway through, the woman shut down and started to make less of an effort to keep the conversation going. The guy felt that she lost interest so he too made less of an effort. The result was a bad date that resulted in no second date. Months later, the guy found out from a mutual friend that the woman was in fact interested, but she felt that the guy wasn't so she shut down and stopped making an effort. A perfect example of poor signal reading, and basic human insecurities leading to two people unnecessarily never pursuing what may have been a potential relationship.

So the next time some obnoxious ass munch with way too much product in his hair and a talk show that has no reason to exist tells you that some guy is just not that into you, maybe he's wrong. The guy may just think you're not into him...so let him know you are! You could do so with a subtle smile or touch of his hand, or send him an email like the one Yvette sent me.

7 comments:

Isaac said...

I totally agree. There have been lots of women I never called when I was interested because I felt they weren't interested. I could've been wrong, but didn't want to get rejected. I'm sure there were some that wondered why I never called, but a guy likes to know that the interest will be reciprocated.

mo said...

So now you're a relationship expert? Good point, though.

Linda said...

I have a friend who is now married, but she would complain to me all the time about how guys would never call her again for a second date. She had a tendency to put up this wall on dates so as to seem tough and it would turn guys off. Even when she was interested, she'd send out these "I'm not interested" vibes and thus the guy would never call. She finally met a guy who saw through the facade whom she married, but I think most guys wouldn't bother, and I couldn't say I blame them.

TL said...

You've managed to use the term "ass licking" while simultaneously giving some sound advice. I applaud you for that, if nothing else.

Dori said...

Yes, this is a tricky thing. I've had perfectly nice evenings with guys about whom I'm was on the fence. If they'd asked me out again, I would have gone. But I think the ambivalence came across, and thus they never contacted me again. Obviously, a certain number of those guys genuinely *weren't* that into me, and therein lies the difficulty--how does one ever know?

Dolor said...

For sure, Sex in the City is to blame for making judgemental attitude toward men popular among women. It says, hey you can think along these lines and be a heroine.

Dolor cont. said...

"Carrie: No one captures the lives of the lovelorn and the love-seeking in NYC better than Carrie Bradshaw."
- http://www.hbo.com/city/
Always love-seeking ... never love-finding. Because nobody is goddam good enough!