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Monday, June 18, 2007

UCH, AMERICANS!

Last night was a date with a woman from Belgium. I scheduled the date early because I wanted to make sure I was home in plenty of time for "Entourage." I think the fact that I'm now scheduling dates around TV shows is a true testament to how enthusiastic I am about dating. What makes it even sadder is that I have HBO On Demand, and I could've watched last night's episode anytime I wanted. The difference between a date and "Entourage," though, is that I know I'll enjoy myself watching "Entourage." The odds of that happening on a date are so slim that I'd rather be sitting across from my TV than across from yet another woman I met online.

So we're sitting there talking, and the conversation is standard first date stuff. Nothing terribly fascinating. She's a bit cold, but I figure it's just a European thing. The conversation then shifts to a discussion about the differences between American and European culture, and she goes on a tirade about how Americans are loud, obnoxious, fat slobs. She ends her rant by proclaiming, "UCH, AMERICANS!" Now none of this really bothered me because I knew I had plenty of time before "Entourage." I did, however, find her ramblings somewhat ironic given that she was being kind of loud, certainly obnoxious, and although I wouldn't call her a fat slob, she looks like she's no stranger to Dunkin' Donuts herself.

I thought about asking her why someone so repulsed by American society is living in America, sitting in Starbucks, an American company, on a date with an American. At that point, however, I remembered that the Mets were playing a night game against the Yankees, and my goal was to just end the date quickly and diplomatically so I could get home, and catch a couple of innings before "Entourage."

We walked out of the Starbucks together, and I told her it was nice meeting her. I think she was a bit stunned that I ended the date so abruptly, but I had to get my fat, lazy ass home, stuff myself with leftover pizza, and stare at the TV for the rest of the night like every other one of my fellow....Uch, Americans.


6 comments:

Limey said...

We europeans make a living saying UCH americans
it part of our culture, its our way of asserting our "superiority"
but once you get that part, we're good

mo said...

I know of women who come here to snag a rich husband. Americans are "uch" unless they have money. Then they're "cha-ching."

Nikki said...

Sounds like "Uch, Belgians" is more like it.

rebecca said...

Tell her to go eat a Belgian Waffle! ;-)

Limey said...

Typical Euro Humour
"Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"

The survey was a huge failure because:

In Africa they didn't know what “food “meant.

In Eastern Europe they didn't know what “honest " meant.

In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage” meant.

In China they didn't know what “opinion “meant.

In the Middle East they didn't know what “solution" meant.

In South America they didn't know what “please " meant.

In the USA they didn't know what “the rest of the world “meant.

del said...

I think Belgium was part of the famous "Axis of Weasels." They may be the only original member yet!

Maybe there was something to the line out of The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy" where the worst curse you could utter was "Oh, Belgium!"