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Monday, June 4, 2007

Grandma Knows Best

This weekend I was over at the folks for a family barbecue. My father was having some issues with his computer so while everyone else was outside scarfing down burgers and dogs, I was in the basement removing spys and adware from his PC. Once the job was done, I decided to quickly log on to everyone's favorite Jewish dating site to make sure the computer was working properly. As I was browsing through the same profiles I've seen over and over, my grandmother walked in and saw pictures of women on the screen and wanted to know what I was doing. Unlike my grandmother that lives in Florida, my Brooklyn grandmother doesn't know a computer from a toaster, and she was both fascinated and confused by the prospect of meeting people online.

She'd heard about this whole crazy internet thing, and was even vaguely familiar with the term "Jdate." She mentioned that she had a friend whose granddaughter met someone on the computer, but she wasn't entirely sure what that meant. So being the good grandson that I am, I gave her a brief tutorial on how Jdate works. I told her that people put their pictures online and write little essays. I explained that if you like what you see and read, you can contact the person and then eventually meet them face to face. Within seconds, this 82 year old immigrant who grew up without indoor plumbing, had online dating figured out.

"Do people really read what you write?," she asked. "They only care about the pictures, no?"

"I care what they write," I started to say, but she cut me off.

"Look at this one," she said pointing to a woman's picture. "She puts a picture with her busts showing like that? Mine god!"

I laughed, and with the wisdom that can only be gained by over eight decades of life experience, she said, "What're you laughing? I'm sure she gets plenty of dates with those busts. She doesn't need to write anything."

I was loving every second of it. Just hearing my grandmother say "busts" was worth trekking out to the burbs from the city.

"This is not for serious people," she proclaimed, as she got up to leave the room. "I don't like this Jdate!"

She left and I sat there staring at the screen. As I looked at the same faces I see every single time I log on, I thought I couldn't agree with her more. I really don't like this Jdate either....But I do kinda like busts so I guess I won't be cancelling my membership just yet.


Mo said...

My gramdma calls them "bossoms." But bossoms or busts, it's a great way to get attention.

Roger said...

Nothing says "click me" like a good ol' fashioned cleavage shot.

Michelle said...

Those women are just cheesy, but not as chessy as the men who post pictures without shirts.

rebecca said...

Tell your grandmother that my boyfriend and I were serious about finding someone special on JDate and we did find each other. We really did read each other's essays and my "busts" was not showing!

Hilary said...

Hah, thanks for the laugh. Awesome post, as usual.

Marc F. said...

You're welcome, Hilary, but the thanks should be going to my grandmother for providing the material for the post.

Rebecca, I'll be sure to pass the info on to her about your good fortunes on Jdate, but I don't expect her to change her mind...busts or no busts.

Seraphine said...

I thought for a moment your toaster-challenged Grandmother was going to make toast out of those busts.