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Tuesday, June 5, 2007

"Adults" Say the Darndest Things

Every so often I come across a profile that makes me think I mistakenly clicked on the My Space page of a 15 year old girl. I read what these "women" write, hoping to see a link to an Avril Lavigne video somewhere so I know I'm in the wrong place, but sadly when I look up at the URL, I'm always on a dating site. Instead of censoring profiles for inappropriate language and attempts at sneaking in email addresses, dating sites should censor profiles that make their adult authors look like they're in the tenth grade. At the very least, the sites should provide translations so that those of us who don't spend every afternoon at the mall can understand what these women are saying.

The following are gems taken from actual profiles of actual "adults," along with the translations the dating sites should be providing as a service.

1."You could be a total "Hot Boy" yet be such a lame guy that you look hot yet all I feel are the chills." - Age 34
Translation: Looks aren't important to me...and neither is a command of the English language.

2. "No one reads these things anyway so blah, blah, blah, blah...Yada, yada, yada...blah...blah, blah" - Age 28
Translation: I'm way too cool to be on a dating site like the rest of you losers so I'm not gonna play by the rules. In fact, I'll still be too cool to be on here when I'm 46 and listing my age as 34.

3. "You have to meet me in person to know all about me but you gotta be a damm hot looking guy." - Age 26
Translation: When you meet me in person, you'll realize that I really am the total ass you thought I was when you read this profile. You better be a good speller too because I need someone to help me with big words like "damn."

Maybe I can get a job translating profiles for Match.com. I don't think they're too particular about the people they hire. How else could Dr. Phil have gotten the gig?

4 comments:

Isaac said...

34 and she uses terms like "hot boy?"...Jeeeez!

mike said...

The problem with profiles like those is that they're completely relying on their pics to sell themselves. What they don't get is that writing stuff like that makes them so "damm" unattractive.

jar jar biggs said...

I disagree- let's be honest all guys look at are the pics everything else IS bla bla bla

Rob said...

I could maybe overlook the 26 yr olds profile and write it off to stupid immaturity. She is pretty young. The 28 year old is pushing it, but the 34 year old has left me speechless.