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Friday, May 18, 2007


Over lunch yesterday, a friend suggested that I try speed dating as a means of meeting women, and I was reminded of the time I actually went on a speed date. This wasn't the kind of speed dating where the ding of a bell signifies the end of each mini date. This was my own personal speed date. Actually, a "speed of light" date would probably be a more accurate description.

I met the woman in front of the restaurant, as was previously arranged. We introduced ourselves, and as we were about to go in, she asked if she could grab a quick smoke. Now I'm not preachy, and if a person wants to inhale tar and carbon monoxide into their lungs, I say go for it, but I don't date smokers. Had she been honest in the "smoking" portion of the profile, I wouldn't have agreed to go out with her. I know I didn't overlook it because that's one of the first things I look at after I click on the picture. If a woman's slightly out of my ideal height, age or weight range, no big deal. I can even overlook a poorly written or uninteresting profile, if I can find something of value in it...but smoking is a deal breaker. When I kiss a woman, I want it to feel warm, sweet and sensuous. When I think of kissing a woman who smokes, my gag reflex kicks in as memories of kissing my great aunt Shirley come to mind. She was a 2 pack a day smoker whose breath smelled like a potpourri of Parliament Lights, Super Poligrip, and that special type of gas you can only get from Indian food. Granted, I never had to kiss her on the lips, but my great uncle Lenny did, and he never looked pleased about it.

So when this woman asked if she could grab a smoke, I winced and said something like, "Oh, you smoke?"

"Is that a PROBLEM?" I recall her replying emphatically.

"Well, actually, I don't remember you mentioning that in your profile," I began to say (or something to that effect) before she cut me off.

"People lie in their profiles. Deal with it," she barked.

I half expected her to shove me or pull out a knife, but instead she just lit her cigarette and said, "You don't like it? Leave!"

And I did. Ding!


Shoshana said...

Wow. It sounds like, in addition to her nicotine-tainted breath, she had a sparkling personality to accompany it. How do you find these chicks?

Marc F. said...

I spend a lot of time in mental institutions, halfway houses, Jdate.

Nice Jewish Guy said...

What an idiot. If by lying about smoking in her profile she was trying to "get" guys to go out with her who otherwise wouldn't, she completely shot herself in the foot by asking to "grab a quick smoke" as soon as she met you. If she was going to do that, why not just be up front about it?

Steve said...

She could've at least written, "Trying to quit" which is code for "i smoke and have no real intention to quit, but I don't want to be disqualified because of it."

larry said...

It's one thing to fib a little about your height or weight. No one's gonna measure or weigh you on a date, but it's kinda dumb to lie about smoking. Smokers are gonna smoke eventually.

Rebecca said...

Kissing a smoker is like licking a used ashtray!

julia said...

OMG, I know I keep saying this, but why do people act like this? Seriously, I can not imagine any of my friends (and I have several who are single) ever acting so obnoxious (and please, don't get me started on the lying on profile..). Is it me or does saying "grab a quick smoke" sounds so trashy?

Matthew Sephton-Pike said...

What'd be interesting is to see this woman's blog and her take on the matter.

Sounds like you pick up a right mixed bag of women.