Over lunch yesterday, a friend suggested that I try speed dating as a means of meeting women, and I was reminded of the time I actually went on a speed date. This wasn't the kind of speed dating where the ding of a bell signifies the end of each mini date. This was my own personal speed date. Actually, a "speed of light" date would probably be a more accurate description.
I met the woman in front of the restaurant, as was previously arranged. We introduced ourselves, and as we were about to go in, she asked if she could grab a quick smoke. Now I'm not preachy, and if a person wants to inhale tar and carbon monoxide into their lungs, I say go for it, but I don't date smokers. Had she been honest in the "smoking" portion of the profile, I wouldn't have agreed to go out with her. I know I didn't overlook it because that's one of the first things I look at after I click on the picture. If a woman's slightly out of my ideal height, age or weight range, no big deal. I can even overlook a poorly written or uninteresting profile, if I can find something of value in it...but smoking is a deal breaker. When I kiss a woman, I want it to feel warm, sweet and sensuous. When I think of kissing a woman who smokes, my gag reflex kicks in as memories of kissing my great aunt Shirley come to mind. She was a 2 pack a day smoker whose breath smelled like a potpourri of Parliament Lights, Super Poligrip, and that special type of gas you can only get from Indian food. Granted, I never had to kiss her on the lips, but my great uncle Lenny did, and he never looked pleased about it.
So when this woman asked if she could grab a smoke, I winced and said something like, "Oh, you smoke?"
"Is that a PROBLEM?" I recall her replying emphatically.
"Well, actually, I don't remember you mentioning that in your profile," I began to say (or something to that effect) before she cut me off.
"People lie in their profiles. Deal with it," she barked.
I half expected her to shove me or pull out a knife, but instead she just lit her cigarette and said, "You don't like it? Leave!"
And I did. Ding!