Search This Blog

Thursday, May 17, 2007


A little while back I went on a date with a woman who misrepresented her size in her profile. I've grown fairly accustomed to that type of thing, and have learned to accept it as the price of doing business on dating sites. I even blogged about a similar experience in an earlier post. What makes this particular encounter unique, however, is that I made the unfortunate error of giving this woman my AIM screen name. When we first started chatting, she asked for my AIM name because she claimed the IM function on the site didn't work well with her browser. It was around 2 am, and I guess wasn't thinking clearly so I gave it to her.

I had no intention of contacting her after the first date, but she started to IM me on a fairly regular basis. The exchanges never lasted more than a few minutes and pretty much consisted of IM small talk. She'd send me the occasional link to some site she found amusing, or tell me how much weight she lost that week, (which I found a bit odd), but that was it. There was never a mention of seeing each other again or even talking on the phone. It was all very casual. I never initiated contact with her, and I'd occasionally not respond to IMs, hoping she'd get the hint. I felt bad about it, but I didn't want to lead her on. Sure, I could've gotten a new screen name, but I've had mine for years and I rely on it to communicate with people for work, not to mention friends and family. Even my grandmother IMs me...and updating her buddy list with my new screen name would require a flight down to Florida because that'll actually be faster than doing it with her over the phone.

So yesterday evening I get an IM from this woman. After the requisite questions about how my day was, she flat out asks me why I haven't asked her out again. I tried to collect my thoughts and think of a polite way to let her down. At first I typed that I've been really busy, but quickly deleted it, thinking that was lame. Then I started to type that I didn't realize she was interested in going out again, and that I thought she just wanted to be friends, but I deleted that too. I knew that wouldn't help my cause, and that I just needed to be honest. Unfortunately, AIM has that feature where you can see the other person typing, and she asked me why I was typing so much without having yet responded. At that point I decided to just bite the bullet, and I gave her the old "you're a great person, but I don't think we're right for each other" routine. After I hit "send," I realized I'm a lot more comfortable being on the receiving end of that line than the giving end. I felt so guilty that I felt the need to follow it up with, "but we can still chat online whenever you want." ... Something I knew she didn't want to hear, and I didn't really want to say.

So there I am feeling guilty about rejecting this woman when a beauty of an IM pops up (copied and pasted here for your reading pleasure - typos and all): "IM SICK OG GUYS JUDGING ME. IM GNNA GET GASTRIC BYPASS SURGRY AND ULL BE SORRY. UL ALL BER SORRY" She then signed off.

Suffice it to say this woman is now on my block list, but I'm more than a little afraid. Will I be sorry because I let her get away, and she's gonna turn into this stunning beauty once the weight's gone?...Or will I be sorry because she's gonna show up at my apartment and go all "Carrie" on my ass.

Maybe I WILL take that trip to Florida and stay with grandma for a while.


Shoshana said...

Why didn't you just put her on your block list earlier?

LM said...

Be afraid, be very afraid.

Michelle said...

I don't think you can track a person's address from their Insant Messenger screenname so I think youre safe.

Marc F. said...

She didn't really do anything to warrant blocking until she lost it.

Jimmy said...

Leave a box of Krispey Kremes at your door. If she comes after you they'll distract her.

JDateJoe said...

You did the right thing and you should forget about it now.

There is only a certain amount you owe the other person after the first date. A real problem arises when one person feels they're owed more then they deserve and the other party acquieces.

It's truly sad when you realize that people, instead of saying, "ok we're not a match" and just continue on their pursuit of a proper match, would rather pick a fight and turn each single date into a bitter experience which they carry into the next date.

Marc F. said...

All true, Joe, but there is that gray area where the person isn't overtly pursuing you, but is just seemingly trying to be friendly. You can't just say, "stop contacting me" when all they're doing is asking about your day or sending you silly web links...even if you're getting the vibe that they may want more than friendship. It's awkward.

Of course, once she stepped over the line, she was fair game to be blocked.

Rebecca said...

Psychotic as hell, block away!

Matthew Sephton-Pike said...

Hmm.. maybe you shouldn't be so shallow in the first place?

But still, everyone has their preferences. I shan't condemn you for that :)