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Wednesday, August 31, 2011

MICHELE BACHMANN: PILF

I support Michele Bachmann's run for president. There, I said it.

I'm a liberal, pro-welfare state New York Jew. I'm not only pro-choice, I think there should be government funded drive-thru abortion centers in every city in the country. I think gay dudes and gay women should be allowed to marry, and if they could find a way for gay guys to have babies, I'd be for that too.

Drugs: legalize all of 'em. Tax the rich, feed the poor, and remove the word "God" from anything paid for by the government. I believe in Creationism as much as I do Santa Claus, and if you think climate change is bullshit, I think you're a fucking moron.

So why do I support Michele Bachmann's run? For the same reason I used to email good looking, idiots on dating sites. You know, the type whose picture looked too good not to click on. And then when you'd actually read the stupid shit they wrote, you'd roll your eyes, but would still email them out of morbid curiosity in the hope that maybe, possibly you'd get to bang a stupid chick from Match.com. I remember one such scholar I emailed from Mamaroneck. When I asked her how close that was to MaManhattan, she declined my message.

But with Bachmann as president, we're all guaranteed to get fucked. It's a sure thing. She may actually be stupider than GW, but gosh, ain't she purdy?

This country is in desperate need not of jobs, not of economic reform, not of better education, but of a president we'd like to fuck. So let's elect a Commander in Chief the same way we determine who's the most popular on Jdate.

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5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Dude;

You have a writing error:

And then when you'd actually read the stupid shit shit they wrote

You also wrote:

I remember one such scholar I emailed from Mamaroneck. When I asked her how close that was to MaManhattan, she declined my message.

I looked both Mamaroneck and maroneck on Google, both are places in New York.

This comment is just a heads up. I enjoy your blog. I've also felt a strange attraction to Michele Bachman while thinking she is the dumbest thing since Sarah Palin and the most evil thing since Dick Cheney.

Once you correct your writing errors please feel free to edit or delete my comment with no hard feelings from me.

I make typos all of the time.

Steve

-- said...

Thanks, Steve. Extra "shit" deleted. The Mamaroneck thing was a joke, or at least supposed to be.

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Anonymous said...

She is beautiful and I would really like to fuck her. I just made up PILF in my head and decided to see if anyone else had that thought.
Geez, I am so shallow!