I've learned many things these past few months while dating the Colombian. I've learned to enjoy certain films, books, art, and food that I otherwise might not have been exposed to had I not been dating her. I've learned, or I should say I re-learned, that it's not worth arguing with a woman who thinks she's right. I've learned from her friends that asking a woman what she does for a living right after meeting her is frowned upon by the fairer sex. I'm not sure why, but I wasn't going to argue with them since they think they're right. I've also learned about love, compromise, and respect, but that's not where I'm headed here.
What I've learned that will prove to be a valuable lesson for the remainder of my years on this earth is that Costco by far has the best deal on earth on condoms. I paid for a 40 count variety pack at Costco, what I paid for a 6 pack at Duane Reade (around $14). There's one downside, though, if you can even call it a downside. Of the 40 condoms, 20 are unusable, at least for me. The Trojan "Ecstasy" condoms that come in the gold packaging and the "Her Pleasure" ribbed condoms in the purple packaging are simply too big for me. When wearing them, I feel like a nine-year-old wearing his father's shoes, and unless I undergo a miraculous length and girth growth spurt, I'm left with 20 condoms I can't use. There's absolutely no indication on the packaging that these rubbers are supersized, or for a horse, but when calculating the per condom cost, I've still come out way ahead - no pun intended - so I'm willing to share my good fortune with you, my loyal readers.
If you like free stuff, or are too cheap to practice safe sex, and are hung like a blue whale, or are currently sleeping with or plan to sleep with someone similarly endowed, the condoms are yours. I'll be leaving them in the original box on the benches near the dog park in Union Square Park tonight at around 7 pm. This is a first come (again, no pun intended), first served offer, so if you're in the area and you want them, get there fast before the homeless get to them first and use them to carry their empty soda cans.
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What I've learned that will prove to be a valuable lesson for the remainder of my years on this earth is that Costco by far has the best deal on earth on condoms. I paid for a 40 count variety pack at Costco, what I paid for a 6 pack at Duane Reade (around $14). There's one downside, though, if you can even call it a downside. Of the 40 condoms, 20 are unusable, at least for me. The Trojan "Ecstasy" condoms that come in the gold packaging and the "Her Pleasure" ribbed condoms in the purple packaging are simply too big for me. When wearing them, I feel like a nine-year-old wearing his father's shoes, and unless I undergo a miraculous length and girth growth spurt, I'm left with 20 condoms I can't use. There's absolutely no indication on the packaging that these rubbers are supersized, or for a horse, but when calculating the per condom cost, I've still come out way ahead - no pun intended - so I'm willing to share my good fortune with you, my loyal readers.
If you like free stuff, or are too cheap to practice safe sex, and are hung like a blue whale, or are currently sleeping with or plan to sleep with someone similarly endowed, the condoms are yours. I'll be leaving them in the original box on the benches near the dog park in Union Square Park tonight at around 7 pm. This is a first come (again, no pun intended), first served offer, so if you're in the area and you want them, get there fast before the homeless get to them first and use them to carry their empty soda cans.
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1 comment:
If you'd be offering free women that would be one thing but shlong crocs ... come one.
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