Facebook is supposed to be a place for dudes to look at pictures of random chicks. At least that was my understanding when I signed up. Yeah, sure, you can friend people you haven't seen or spoken to since elementary school and have them appear on your page, but you never really communicate with them directly. You just friend them to see what they look like and what they're up to after all these years, but mostly (if you're a guy) you wanna see if there are any chicks they're friends with that you can look at. I suspect single women are on Facebook for some of the same reasons as guys, but what do I know? I wonder how many women have looked at a thumbnail picture in the photo album of a complete stranger and thought, "Looks like you can see her tits in that one. Lemme click." I suppose some people even successfully use Facebook to get dates. I could barely get a phone number on sites designed specifically for dating, but for those who can pull it off on Facebook, more power to them. You wanna use Facebook to throw urine soaked snowballs at your friends, or see which Sex and the City character you're most like? - Great. While away your time at work however you choose.
But there's one group I think needs to be banned from Facebook - mothers with little kids.
If I see one more status update by a mommy whining about how she "misses her wittle Wendy and can't wait to see her when mommy and daddy get back from vacation" followed by 17 comments by other mommies offering words of support, I may punch my monitor. I understand that you miss your kid, but she's 1 and can't read, and I'm pretty sure she doesn't have a Facebook account, so why not just directly email the yentas to whom you wanna prove how great a mommy you are? Why must I be subjected to comments like, "Aww. Paul and I went through the same thing when we went to visit his brother in Seattle. Stay strong. You'll see her soon." I read the other 16 comments, wishing that just one person had the balls to say, "I saw the picture you posted of your kid, and if I were you, I wouldn't be in a rush to get home so fast." It's like when a friend sends an email to everyone in his or her address book, but doesn't have the sense to blind copy the recipients, and then someone you don't even know feels the need to hit "reply all" just to write back "LOL." Multiply the annoyance you feel when you get that email by 17, and that's how I feel when my news feeds are full of mommy comments.
I propose that Facebook open up a mommies only site where they can exchange pictures of their kids, lie to each other about how cute they think they are in their little outfits, and discuss Oprah and yeast infections - or whatever it is mommies talk to each other about.
In the meantime, someone just sent me a friend request. Lemme go see if he has any hot friends.