Apparently, nothing I ever expected. An article in these week's New York Times Magazine, chronicles the sexual research done by a psychology professor from Canada. The professor had straight and gay men and women watch various video clips of heterosexual and homosexual sex, as well as clips of apes mounting each other. According to the article, 'The men, on average, responded in 'category specific' ways." Straight dudes were into straight and lesbian porn, and gay guys were into man on man action. "Any expectation that the animal sex would speak to something primitive within the men seemed to be mistaken; neither straights nor gays were stirred by the [apes]," the article states. Pretty straightforward stuff.
The women, however, were freaky."No matter what their self-proclaimed sexual orientation, [the women] showed, on the whole, strong and swift genital arousal when the screen offered men with men, women with women and women with men....AND their blood flow rose quickly as they watched the apes."
So guys, forget trying to pick up women in bars, clubs, or online. Get yourself a monkey and the women will come knocking down your door. I'm not a pet person, but maybe I'll go hang out at the gorilla cage at the Bronx Zoo.