It was pretty obvious that last night's blind date was going nowhere from the second we met. In fact, it was disdain at first sight...not on my part, but it was painfully obvious she wasn't pleased with me. I actually found her extremely attractive, even beautiful. She couldn't have been that disgusted with my looks, I thought to myself, as her eyes gazed over me like a woman who wanted to end the date before it even began. We emailed each other pictures ahead of time, and if anything, I look better in person than I do in the self portrait I took of myself with my 5 year old, 3 megapixel digital camera.
I was all showered, and dressed in my standard first date uniform: A stylish button down shirt, a pair of nice jeans, and Colehaan black shoes I paid too much for a while back. There was only one thing missing from my ensemble that apparently was the cause of this young lady's discontent...a beanie...a yarmulke...a Jew lid. Apparently, our matchmaker never bothered telling this Rebbetzin in training that I wasn't religious, and you'd think I was some tattoo ridden, crucifix wearing, idol worshipper by the way this chick was looking at me.
She begrudgingly agreed to go inside the cafe and sat with me for about an hour of extremely strained conversation. Now, obviously we weren't a match, but I vaguely recall from my days at Hebrew School some sort of "Love thy neighbor as thyself," principle that I always thought was central to any type of truly worthwhile spiritual movement. I guess she must have been absent the day they taught that in her seminary because she wasn't loving me at all. She would respond to my questions as if she was doing me a favor, and rolled her eyes at every one of my attempts at humor. When I asked her how the cafe we were in could possibly be kosher, if it served bacon, she began to explain to me how the pastries could be kosher, despite the pig on the menu, but then stopped herself in the middle, and said, "Uch...I don't need to explain this to you!"
She lives a block away from the cafe, and I offered to walk her home after our hour of awkward silences and loathing was over, but she scowled, and said, "That's okay." And off she went...probably home to wash the stench of irreligious Jew off of her saintly body.