FAKE HOLD

Last night I spoke to a woman on the phone and the conversation was so strained that I had to put her on "fake hold" in order to regroup. Nothing was flowing during the exchange and I put her on hold to simply think of things to talk about. She didn't know much about the neighborhood she lives in even though she's been there for years. Every question I asked about it was answered with an "I don't know," or "I'm not sure." She was equally as clueless about her job as a teacher. I'd ask her questions about the NYC Department of Education, (questions I knew the answers to, but just asked to make conversation), and her response was always, "I don't know." I'd make a joke, I'd have to explain it, and then I'd get a weird, ditzy laugh, and nothing more. I was dying.

As I had her on hold, I thought about getting back on and just telling her I had to go. I thought about throwing my phone off my terrace. I thought about throwing myself off my terrace. Instead, I got back on, and all of a sudden, she started grilling me. "How tall are you?"... "You're thin, right?"..."What color is your hair again?"..."You're looking for a serious relationship, right?"..."When do you see yourself getting married?" "How many kids do you want?" One after another the questions kept coming. I felt like asking for a lawyer.

Then she said we should meet. I was taken aback, and just said, "Uuum, sure, why don't I get back to you later in the week?," hoping she'd sense my reluctance. Instead, the interrogation continued. "When are you gonna call me?...What time are you gonna call?...Where are we gonna go?...For how long?" Something happened during the time I had her on fake hold because she went from ditzy and dull to Glenn Close in "Fatal Attraction" in those few seconds. I then told her I didn't think we were really a match, and that meeting probably wasn't the best idea. I felt bad telling her I didn't want to see her, but unfortunately, you can't put people on fake hold in person.