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Thursday, June 7, 2007

POOR ONLINE ETIQUETTE

I stopped trying to figure out why people act like jerk offs on dating sites a long time ago. Having a woman initiate contact with me and then not respond to my response is now par for the course. The list of women who've volunteered their phone numbers and then not called back after I left a message is a mile long. Perhaps they have too many choices. Maybe it's a simple case of social ineptitude. Who knows? These things happen so frequently I've become numb to them. But just when I thought I've witnessed every inexplicable and inconsiderate type of online behavior, someone always manages to impress me by going that extra mile.

This woman emailed me with a pretty flattering message about how she loved my profile. It wasn't one of those generic "love your profile" emails. She actually referred to a number of things I'd written both at the beginning and end of my profile so I know she took the time to actually read the whole thing. I read her profile and it seemed like we had some stuff in common. I was about to respond to her when I noticed she was online. So rather than do the tedious back and forth email thing in order to get her phone number, I decided to IM her and try and close the deal right then and there. I'm not a real big fan of the pen pal relationship. I like to get the number and set up the date as quickly as possible, assuming, of course, there's a mutual interest. This wasn't going to be one of those women who needed to get to know me online for a month before she felt comfortable speaking on the phone. After what she wrote in her email, I was feeling pretty confident that I could get her number almost immediately.

Well, I IM'd her and got something immediately, but it wasn't her number. What I got was DECLINED! Somewhere between "I love your profile" and me IMing her the word "Hi," she changed her mind.... And once again I was left wondering why people act like jerk offs on dating sites.

14 comments:

Rebecca said...

OMG, Marc, I feel your pain, couldn't stand getting "Declined" on JDate, some people are just rude! Even a polite "Sorry, we don't have enough in common" is better than that "Decline" feature.

Joe said...

In a weird way I prefer being declined than ignored. With a decline there's a finality. When they ignore you you wonder did they get my email/IM, are they not paying members, etc. But to decline you after contacting you is messed up.

larry said...

I never once hit that decline button. Been declined a bunch, but could never bring myself to hit that button as disinterested as I may have been. Seems to coldhearted.

Michelle said...

If the guy's a jerk and writes something sexually explicit or obnoxious,I'll decline. Otherwise, I just don't respond. Sometimes you get too many men contacting you to write a personalized rejection letter to each of them.

Isaac said...

I once sent an IM to a woman. She insulted my haircut and then declined me.

Anonymous said...

there is a chance she was just declining from participating in an im conversation with you and not that she wasn't interested in you. she may have preferred that you email her. i know that i have a dial up connection, so i don't participate in jdate im simply because it doesn't work very well on dial up. so there is that possibility. good luck to you.

LM said...

I think that's very wishful thinking. You don't decline someone you want to talk to. This woman clearly has issues.

Cricket said...

Marc- just found this blog and love it. If I had not met and married my jdate husband, I'd have gone out with you. (ya know- pending a pic)
Just wanted to let you know, I use a MAC and was never able to reply to IM's. Don't know if they've upgraded the system but i'm pretty sure it would send decline messages after I tried to hit "reply" 2 dozen times.
I'd also sometimes get confused and forget to reply to people I'd meant to reply to after emailing 2 or 3 times... especially if they have a name like Dave or Michael or Marc... because sometimes there is more than one person with the same name contacting you at the same time.... I know it sounds lame, but it's true.
I'd be curious to see a study if guys like Willliam, Marcus and Nathaniel have more luck getting responses than Daves, Jons, Michaels... ( and for women, I know it's Rachel. My husband said he could not believe how many Rachels there were.)

Mark said...

A little courtesy and consideration is nice. On the other end, some people get freaked out for no reason at all with online dating. You never no what the reason is for a sudden disconnect.

african woman said...

I understand what you feel, well maybe she tend to flirt with you and then when you get interested to her she will just left you behind. Sometimes there are people like that specially in online dating wherein lots of people will send you messages and some flattery words so that you will really feel that lots of the girls out there is really interested with you but remember you are not the only member of that site. So don't be too assuming because there are people who are born to be rude and very mean.

question to people said...

I loved this article! I like your point of view

asian dating said...

Sorry to hear that but as an online dater, I've also encountered that one. Some people is really good in sending some flattery words but then again when you are eager to reply they just left you behind. Isn't it hilarious?I feel so sad about it but I have to move on and made some extra efforts.

faraz ahmed said...

I love the blog. Great post. It is very true, people must learn how to learn before they can learn. lol i know it sounds funny but its very true. . . joeri

Anonymous said...

In addition to online etiquette, how about real life dating etiquette? To everyone else who’s experiencing frustration in the dating world, here’s a fun blog to follow. It’s about a guy and all the “dating games” he’s experienced with dating women and their lack of manners and courtesy:

http://blogs.davelozinski.com/datingandrelationships/dating-women-and-dating-games-part-02

While he’s detailing the games women have been playing, I’m sure it’s true of both sexes.

But either way, it's best at pointing out some of the basic manners that should be applied to dating, whether online or otherwise.