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Wednesday, May 9, 2007

Why All Phones Should Have a Mute Feature

Somewhere around the 3rd quarter of the Nets/Cavs game last night, my phone rings. Surprisingly, it's a woman I'd given my number to online. It's surprising because the women to whom I've given my number almost never call. In fact, I've found that the best way to get a woman from a dating site to leave you alone is to give her your number. You're almost guaranteed to never hear from her again.
So this woman I never expected to hear from tells me she was bored and just "sitting around" so she decided to call. Way to make a guy feel wanted. We talk for a bit. Typical first phone call stuff. It's pleasant enough conversation when suddenly I hear a toilet flush through the phone. My first reaction is "is that what she meant by 'sitting around?'" I don't comment on it thinking maybe I only THOUGHT I heard a toilet, or maybe she just flushed a tissue or something...and besides, so what if she just peed? She's human. What's the big deal, right? Just as I'm getting passed the initial shock, she asks if she can put me on hold for a sec while she looks for a match. She tells me her roommate has just walked into the bathroom and is repulsed by the smell. I can actually hear the roommate screaming, "Eeeewww!," which is totally what I'm thinking and feeling at that point. I think the thing that skeeved me out the most, though, is that between the flushing and the roommate screaming, I never once heard the sound of a sink going on where she might be washing her hands.
Too bad this chick already has my number. Otherwise, I'd give it to her so that I'd never have to hear from her again.

7 comments:

Alan said...

Now that's vile. Been with my girl for nearly six months and as far as I know she doesn't do numer two...and I'd like to keep it that way!!!!

Steve said...

sounds like she needs to change her diet. better you found this out over the phone, and not in [person, say, in YOUR apt.

Nikki said...

Gr-o-o-o-os

Mo said...

You should go out w/ her. Maybe she'll ask u to pull her finger. That's always fun.

julia said...

OMG.. where are you finding these winners? When I first started dating my now husband, we were at least into a "relationship" before we shared intimate knowledge of bodily functions.

Rebecca said...

Oh my God, Marc, that is hilarious! Where DO you find these women?? Didn't even have the class to call you AFTER doing #2! BTW, Alan doesn't realize that all women of course do #2 but the classy ones don't have to advertise it!

Marc F. said...

Rebecca, Julia, these women are everywhere. In our neighborhoods, our schools, our malls...they live and breathe among us.