JPLEASE STOP EMAILING ME

JDATE SENT ME THIS:

From: JDate Special Offers

Sent: Friday, May 06, 2011 12:22 PM

Subject: Make mom happy this year - meet a special girl!

This Mother's Day, turn mom's kvetching into kvelling

The next time she asks what you're doing to meet a nice Jewish girl, give her the answer you know she wants to hear. Hurry, JDate's Mother's Day special expires Sunday, May 8th!

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I SENT JDATE THIS:

Dear Jdate,

Thanks for the great Mother's Day gift idea. I was struggling with what to get mom this year, and had your email arrived in my inbox before the one below, I would have definitely taken you up on your offer:

From: IKEA Special Offers

Sent: Friday, May 06, 2011 10:17 AM

FREE Breakfast on Mother's Day!

This Mother's Day visit the IKEA restaurant before 11am and enjoy a free breakfast. Enjoy fluffy scrambled eggs served with a side of hash browns, scrumptious bacon plus a hot cup of coffee, all for FREE! Offer valid Sunday, May 8, 2011. Pricing and participation may vary. One free breakfast per person. See your local store for details

But that's not why I'm writing you. I unsuccessfully used your services for a while a few years back (well, I once got a hand job from a divorced woman with three kids who I met on your site, but she lived somewhere in New Jersey and given the hundreds of dollars I spent and thousand of emails I sent on your site, I'd hardly consider that successful), but now I'm married to a very jealous woman. She's accused me of being unfaithful many times and has taken to checking my email to insure I'm not communicating with other women. My cell phone is tapped, and I'm pretty sure she recently implanted a tracking device somewhere inside me. I can't be certain about the tracking device, but she always seems to know where I am, and lately sitting is less comfortable than usual. Anyway, you can imagine her reaction if she were to see that I've been getting emails from a dating site, not to mention a Jewish dating site. In addition to being very jealous, she hates Jews. She thinks I'm Irish. Anyway, she's threatened to kill me if she ever found out I was even thinking about cheating.

I've tried to opt-out of your emails, but I don't remember my password to your site and can't log in to change my preferences. So please, please, please, remove me from your email list before it's too late...Gotta go, I hear her coming...
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JDATE WROTE BACK:

From: "JDate Support" memberservices@jdate.com

Sent: Friday, May 06, 20 11 3:01 PM

We regret to learn you will be leaving JDate. If you have any suggestions or comments as to how we can improve a member's experience, please feel free to share this with us. You will certainly be missed! Per your request, I have removed your profile and email from our database. Please allow up to 2 weeks for e- mail notifications to stop. You are welcome to reactivate your subscription at any time! We wish you all the best!

Alayne C
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So it's likely my mother will be kvetching this Mother's Day, but it won't be because she doesn't have a Real Housewife of NY for a daughter-in-law who I met on Jdate. It'll probably be because the Ikea eggs were bad.

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