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Sunday, October 31, 2010

THE NEW YORK SHLONG CLUB

My apologies if you typed some variation of "shlong in New York" or "NY Shlong" into google and you were brought here by mistake, but maybe you can find what you're looking for at New York Sports Club - or as I now call it, "The New York Shlong Club."

The Colombian got me a free one month membership to NYSC over the summer, and I've been going pretty religiously ever since. I'm definitely seeing results, but in addition to tighter abs and bigger biceps, I'm also seeing a lot of cock - and unfortunately, it's not my own. I shower at home and I won't step into the bacteria trap of a jacuzzi at the gym, but I do enjoy a good bake in the sauna, which is where I've come within inches of some of the most shriveled up shvantzes I've ever seen. For the life of me, I can't imagine what women or gay dudes find attractive about these things, or why they'd touch or put them in their mouths. I'm ready to seek treatment just from being in the same sauna with them. I suppose it's better than having to tip-toe around discarded, used tampons lying on the shower floor in the lady's locker room - something the Colombian told me she was informed about during a Spanish conversation with the gym's Mexican cleaning lady - but that still doesn't make me okay with the too close for comfort pecker proximity I've been subjected to lately. One would think that the more flabby and out of shape you are, the less likely you'd be to flaunt your naked body. Such logic apparently does not apply at the NY Shlong Club, and I was forced yesterday to witness a rotund man in his late fifties repeatedly scratch (at least I hope he was just scratching) his diminutive dick, while sitting barely a foot from me. By the twentieth or so "scratch" I decided to leave before I got unwillingly inducted into the NY Semen Club. To think, when I first joined the gym, I got annoyed that people weren't wiping down the equipment after they used it.

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