Search This Blog

Monday, May 17, 2010


I won't sniff and tell, but things had been going well with the Colombian until shortly before she left town a couple of weeks ago for work. I liked seeing her name pop up on my caller ID, and would think of subtle, clever ways to ask her out on the next date before the one we were on ended. We were clicking intellectually, physically, but just not sarcastically. There was dead air on the phone when I told her that I was firing my dentist because I found out he drives a Hyundai. She looked at me cross-eyed when I mentioned over dinner that I'd been talking to a guy at work whose breath was so bad, I was afraid that my inhaling it would make my breath smell like his. And I was almost entirely convinced that we had no future when I told her how much I admired the use of the upside down question mark at the beginning of a Spanish sentence.

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"This way I know it's a question right away and I don't have to wait till the end of the sentence to find out."

"Okay," she said, glancing quickly at her watch.

"It was a bad -- never mind."

The brief silence that followed wasn't quite awkward, but it wasn't comfortable either. I wondered how I could be with a woman who didn't find even my lame jokes hilarious. She was supposed to laugh at everything I said. She was supposed to stroke my ego. How dare she not even acknowledge that she knew I was kidding? How dare she not get me. She'd be leaving the next day for her trip, and I was already planning on not calling her when she got back.

But then, while the Colombian was away, I went out with a whore.

"I've been to this restaurant before," said the whore. "I was on a date then too. The guy was such a loser. I knew he was a loser before we even met."

"So why'd you go out with him?"

"For the free dinner."

"Remind me to ask for separate checks."

"Ha! That's funny," she said, and I wished for a moment that she was the Colombian, so she wouldn't have thought I was joking, because I wasn't.

When I got home, I texted the Colombian and asked her if she wanted to see Cirque Du Soleil when she got back. She responded: "¿ Howd u know I love cirque du soleil?"

I guess she does get me.



Dark Cloud Nine said...

Well it might be cultural differences in humor... Of course I don't know how well she speaks the language or how long she's been living in the US but it took me some time to adapt to American humor. And people here still find my jokes pretty lame. I definitely blame the cultural differences ;)

Ms. Random said...

The mutual understanding of sarcasm is important in a relationship, that is for certain. Making an effort to remember said sarcasm and use it to make one laugh is priceless. Go Ms. Colombian!

freckledk said...

I just love that you are blatantly referring to date number 2 as "The Whore." That's made my morning. Thank you!

But banter? Very important. You can't fake it, and you can't be fully happy without it.

Cheri said...

I have a male friend (not boyfriend) who will never get romantically involved with me; he won't even just hang out with me and get a cup of coffee, even if its strictly platonic. But he never seems to tire of talking to me on Yahoo IM because he hasn't met a woman who matches or understands his snark as well as I do. Poor fool.

AT said...

I can't believe this post was in May and you and the Colombian are still together!! Rolls eyes.