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Thursday, March 25, 2010


"I'm out w/the biggest a-hole," my friend, Karen, texted me the other night while I was home watching TV, and her date was away from their table.

"He ask u how big ur tits are?" I typed back, happily turning my attention away from some show about making cakes.

"He told me to give my uterus back."

"To whom? To him? Huh?" I texted back, confused, while dying to hear all about it. I love me a good bad date story.

But Karen never texted back. I waited an hour and a half before I called her, trying to imagine a circumstance in which telling your date to give back her uterus was acceptable. I could think of only one: When you want your date to get her friend to blog about what a douche you are.

Turns out, Karen's date was offended by her lack of desire to have kids and insisted that if she wasn't going to use her uterus, she should give it back. He didn't specify to whom, or whether it would be for a refund or exchange, but he followed up his demand by telling Karen that she wasn't a real woman, she was selfish, and a freak of nature. He then asked her out again.

When Karen asked him why he'd even want to see her again, he told her he likes to give women at least two whole dates before ruling them out. Karen told him she needed one whole date to rule someone out, but that her uterus hated him at hello.


beforewisdom said...

I've been trying to find a woman 30s - early 40s who doesn't have kids and who doesn't want kids.

Many in this group are either workaholics without time to date or they are not interested in men who aren't ready to dump their lives to become world travelers.

If Karen doesn't fall into these categories contact me for my number :)

Mendoza Line said...

One of my "dates" at a speed dating event sat down and without a greeting or introduction asked "how many kids do you have?"

ML: "Um, zero"

DB: "How many times have you been married?"

ML: "Uh, zero"

DB: "Why?"

Needless to say, my empathy for your friend. It can be tough out there for us uterus carriers.

Dark Cloud Nine said...

Seriously? Well I sure hope he makes love through the hole of a sheet and only during the ovulation period then.

Lost said...

This is weird AND hilarious. Good on your friend giving a shout out for her uterus. People (I say this w/o gender b/c men & women do weird things on dates) are so strange!

CoatMan said...

There are vast numbers of people out there who want to help to overpopulate the world. Those who don't want children are rare gems indeed.

Valerie said...

I love that he could say she's "not a real woman, selfish, and a freak of nature" and then think, I gotta have me some of that! He's offensive, but funny.