Instead of turning this post into another rant about how some woman I went out with couldn't stop mentioning her ex-boyfriend, I've decided to perform a public service. So for the single ladies out there who can't get through a first date without using the phrase "My ex-boyfriend," please carefully read the following:
Although it's good to know that at least one human being on the planet was willing to date you, when you say "My ex-boyfriend," men simply hear, "The Guy That Used To Bang Me," as in: "The Guy That Used To Bang Me works at Goldman Sachs," or "The Guy That Used To Bang Me is Asian," or "The Guy That Used To Bang Me loves Pinkberry." Say it enough times and we'll wonder why anyone ever wanted to bang you.
If you're talking about him a lot, you're thinking about him a lot, which leads us to believe he probably dumped you and you can't deal with it. People who are ready to date new people, don't sit around talking about old people. More importantly to the male mind, people who are ready to fuck new people, don't sit around talking about old people they fucked.
Even if you feel you MUST mention your ex-boyfriend because he's a crucial character in the story you're telling, there are ways to keep him out of the discussion. For example, you can simply not tell the story that involves your ex-boyfriend. I've gone on dates with women who were divorced, and they never once mentioned the men they were married to for 4, 5, even 10 years. You should be equally as reticent about the Jdate guy you went out with for six weeks before he got bored and stopped sexting you when he was horny.
The only time it IS acceptable to use the phrase "My ex-boyfriend" on a date is when that phrase is followed by "gave me herpes," or "isn't over me and has vowed to ass rape anyone I date." We'll appreciate the heads up. Otherwise, please just stick to the stories about your job, your roommate or your cats. It's a lot easier for us to nod politely and smile when we think we have a shot at becoming the next guy you used to bang.
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4 comments:
All this is very true of course but it makes me smile when I think back to my first date with my now husband: we both talked to great lengths about our exes, I talked about my ex husband and he talked about his ex wife. We actually learned a lot about each other through that process. But of course it is different. Talking about them was talking about ourselves. There was no other way to describe how we had become who we were.
great post! But on that note: guys do this too ;)
This just shows how insecure men are. How can you be open and honest about your past or who you are if you avoid talking about real things that you've experienced? Avoiding mentioning someone who is a central character in a story you're telling just so some guy doesn't feel insecure means that you're wasting your time on someone who can't deal with reality. Do men really think this way? Does everything really revolve around "banging"? Mark F. sounds like a bit of a jerk to be honest. I don't want to think that this is what men have been reduced to. Most of the time the case is not that she is not over her ex> It could just be that she's giving you an example of WHAT NOT TO DO; but, let's just say for the sake of argument that she isn't. How about trying to show her that you're just that guy who is so much better than he was, rather than slink away in defeat. In dating isn't it about proving that you are the best person for the chooser? Men these days want everything to be effortless. What ever happened to chivalry and manliness. They're all wusses now who seem to want women who behave like men. It's scary out there really. I don't have a google account and my computer prevents me from quickly creating one or else I wouldn't be anonymous.
This just shows how insecure men are. How can you be open and honest about your past or who you are if you avoid talking about real things that you've experienced? Avoiding mentioning someone who is a central character in a story you're telling just so some guy doesn't feel insecure means that you're wasting your time on someone who can't deal with reality. Do men really think this way? Does everything really revolve around "banging"? Mark F. sounds like a bit of a jerk to be honest. I don't want to think that this is what men have been reduced to. Most of the time the case is not that she is not over her ex> It could just be that she's giving you an example of WHAT NOT TO DO; but, let's just say for the sake of argument that she isn't. How about trying to show her that you're just that guy who is so much better than he was, rather than slink away in defeat. In dating isn't it about proving that you are the best person for the chooser? Men these days want everything to be effortless. What ever happened to chivalry and manliness. They're all wusses now who seem to want women who behave like men. It's scary out there really.
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