Search This Blog

Thursday, January 14, 2010

AIN'T NOTHIN' GOIN' ON BUT HER RENT

I've heard the phrase "Would you like to meet my daughter?" uttered from the mouths of mothers many times during my dating career. I'm not quite sure what it is about me that mothers of single daughters find so appealing, but I think it has something to do with the fact that I have a penis and I'm single. These mothers never really know much else about me, and I can only surmise based on the desperation with which they ask me to date their offspring that their daughters also have penises. I've never gone on a second date with a "mother set-up," so I can't attest to the actual genders of these mostly unwilling participants in their mom's attempts at matchmaking.

Yesterday was the first time a father offered to set me up with his daughter, and I realized immediately why women are just better at pimping out their daughters.

"My daughter lost her job last February. I've been paying her rent ever since. $3500 a month. You single? You wanna go out with her?" was how he tried to sell it.

"Sure," I thought. "And in a few months, when we're a couple, she'll want me to pay her rent.
I've got an extra $3500 a month I've got nothing to do with. Why not?"

"I have a girlfriend," I told him.

"Take a look at her picture," he said, as he busted out the wallet photos of his daughter like he was showing me his newborn baby. Only she was forty-one.

"I have a girlfriend," I told him.

I wasn't sure if he really wanted to introduce his daughter to someone so she could live happily ever after, or so he could live happily ever after with an extra 3500 bucks a month in his pocket. I felt bad for the poor guy, so I thought I'd give him a quick tutorial on Manhattan real estate.

"You know, she can get a decent one bedroom on the Upper East Side for like $1800. There's no need to spend that kinda money on rent," I said.

"She likes living in the Village with a doorman in a fancy building," he said, beaten.

Forty-one years old, jobless, broke and only wants to live in a $3500 a month apartment. I'd rather date a chick with a dick.
|

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

I can still hear the WMST majors from my college days chanting in unison about "male privilege".

Well, that is "female privilege" right there. You can be 41, insist on an apartment at twice the price, have your parents pay it for you and still be considered an adult.

If I was a woman that woman's situation would make me cringe.

Dora said...

So many thought crossed my mind when I read this....First of all, that"Beggars can't be choosers!"
I love the old sayings.....so very true!
And did he not get the memo, that parents don't have to pay their 41 year old daughter's rent?
Poor man.... I really feel sorry for him, mostly cause he can't say "no more!".

Anonymous said...

Dumb question: Do you now have a girlfriend or were you just saying that to get the father off your back?

Anonymous said...

I don't know how people afford to survive in NY. Tell that guy to send his daughter down here to FL. I have a two bedroom house with a garage and a fenced in back yard I just put up for rent for $650.

($3,500? $1,800? For an APARTMENT?! I would absolutely DIE.)

cleanslate2010 said...

hahahaha. she sounds like a real catch!

of course, i sort of blame her parents. i'd be an entitled brat too, if my parents were enabling me and i got to live in a stylish apartment in the village. good grief!

ianleephoto said...

I think I'd become a gigolo before asking my parents for money to cover my rent and I think I'd fail as one. Actually, I think I'd *gasp* move in with my parents before asking them for money to cover my rent (THIS I'd NEVER do).

That's absolutely ridiculous, 41 and living in a 3500/month apartment with a doorman? What's pushing her to get a job? Daddy's paying the rent! Pretty sad. That said, you sir, are a smart man.