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Wednesday, December 16, 2009

The Girl Who Cried Cute

I think we can all agree that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. But when the beholder in question has not the slightest ability to gauge someone's level of physical attractiveness, that beholder's perception of said physical attractiveness should not be trusted. It took me two dates with two different women that were described to me as "cute" by one such beholder to realize this.

When I demanded to see a picture the third time she tried to set me up last night, I was sent a photo of a woman who resembled Susan Boyle. "It's not a great picture," and "She's cute in person," were what I thought I heard this so called friend say before I told her that I'd pass. I just wanted to get off the phone as quickly as possible until she hit me with:

"No offense, but you're not exactly Brad Pitt."

Now it was on.

"I never claimed to be Brad Pitt, but I'm a lot closer to him than your friends are to Angelina Jolie," I told her.

"So all my friends are ugly then?"

"No. Just the ones you've tried to set me up with."

"Do you realize what a jerk you sound like?"

"You basically told me I was a troll, and now I'm a jerk because I'm not attracted to your friends?"

"I didn't say you were a troll. I said you weren't Brad Pitt."

"So if I'm not a troll and I'm not Brad Pitt, what am I?"

"You're cute," she said.

I liked it better when I thought she thought I was a troll.


Dark Cloud Nine said...

aww sweet... what a beholder!

freckledk said...

I think Susan Boyle is a very handsome woman.

Datehater said...

I almost choked from laughing so hard!

Anonymous said...


I have to say it again-you are a solid writer and funny guy but stop wasting your time! Google MGTOW and get yourself over to SE Asia to meet REAL women. All these NYC women you describe are toxic.

Shiri said...

with all due respect... with attitude like that, no wonder you're single for a very long time. You know, it very well may have been a bad photo indeed. Good luck.

Ninu said...

ha..ha..its hard to believe your real life 'encounters' are really this hilarious! ;) Are they really so, or is it the way you write?...he..he..just kidding..You have a real gift for narrating experiences..keep up the good work! :)