After numerous discussions with single women, it's obvious that my cause is not being helped by a lot of the single guys out there. Their idiotic, childish, self involved behavior has heaped so much baggage upon so many available, desirable women that a dude like me doesn't stand a chance. As such, I feel compelled to address these unintentional cock blockers.
To the guys out there who think "Wanna come over and fuck?" is a great opening line in an IM session, it's not. If it were that easy, nothing in the world would ever get accomplished. The entire infrastructure of our society would collapse. People would be screwing in the streets, instead of doing their jobs. There would be utter chaos, and we'd all wind up living in caves without electricity or plumbing.
To the guys who post pictures of themselves in their profiles without shirts, I've yet to meet a woman who thinks that's a turn on. No one gives a shit how much you can bench press, so put down the steroids and the barbells, walk away from the mirror you flex in front of all day, and pick up a book. Reading is fundamental, and you're probably gay anyway.
To the guys who tell chicks they "can get lost just staring into their eyes" on first dates, that'll only work if the chick is really into you. But if you're the type of guy who uses lines like that ten minutes after meeting someone, I can't imagine there are any chicks out there that would actually be into you anyway. Just tell her she has really pretty eyes. It's a compliment without being creepy, and you need to learn how not to be creepy.
To the guys who invite women to an event and tell them: "Your ticket is $65. You can pay me when I see you," that's something you tell your guy friend, not someone you hope to see naked. Unless, of course, you wanna see your guy friend naked, in which case, get in touch with the guy who poses shirtless on Jdate.
To the guys who insist on ordering for their dates in restaurants, stop taking your dating cues from movies from the 1930s. "The lady will have the lemon pepper shrimp " is not something you should be saying unless the lady has told you that's what she wants, and has given you the okay to order for her. Otherwise, let them order their own damn food. They're your dates, not your three year old daughters.
To the guys who say they're gonna call after a first date, but only intend on calling if nothing better comes along, stop being selfish douchebags. If you're not motivated enough to call her based on her own merits, just say, "It was nice meeting you," and go home. Odds are she wasn't interested in you anyway, so why not just go your separate ways like mature adults?
To the guys who practically show their dates their pay stubs, and brag about the apartments they just bought, just tell your dates you're insecure little shits with small dicks instead. At least they'll appreciate your honesty.
To the guys who ask women out via barely comprehensible text messages, grow up. You wanna text message people things like "LOL," or "ROFLMAO"? - go hang out in the mall with the other 14 year old girls and their Sidekicks, or pick up a goddamn phone, and ask a woman out like a man.
To the guys who lie in their profiles about their height, weight, or amount of hair on their heads, and then get pissed off when women do the same, the lying women are the ones you should be with. Why?- because you're both fucking liars! Let the herd of truth distorters be thinned so the rest of us who are honest can meet each other.
And finally to the self-proclaimed "players" who secretly video tape their conquests, and show the footage to their friends, as cool and as uber-hetero as you think that is, you too may wanna email the shirtless Jdate guy. You clearly don't respect women, and wanting other dudes to see your hairy balls and ass clearly indicates that your overcompensating by trying to bang as many women as possible.
It is to all these men, and to the others like them that I haven't mentioned in the interest of brevity, that I say:
You are the stinking turds nestled safely at the bottom of the dating pool. When you're discovered, women go running out and never want to jump back in. Remedy your ways, or don't go swimming anymore!