In the world of cell phones, I always thought there was nothing more obnoxious than calling a white person and having to listen to 30 seconds of their favorite gangsta rap song while "the system tries to find them." That is, until last night's pre-date phone conversation with the latest blog specimen:
Me: So I'll meet you there at 8.
Her: I'll text you during the day. I'm not sure what my schedule's gonna be like.
Me: Actually, my phone doesn't accept text messages.
Her: Why not?
Me: I have that feature shut off.
Her: Who doesn't text? It's the best invention ever.
Me: Between the little keypad you have to type with, and not knowing all the text message shorthand, it's just not my thing.
Her: I text my friends all day long. It's how I survive.
Well, I'm not 14, I thought to myself, but what I said was:
Me: If you like, you can email me from your phone.
Her: Nah, that's okay.
Me: So just call me then and let me know.
Her: To be honest, I don't think I can date someone who doesn't text.
I paused for a moment, wondering if I had actually just heard her say that she doesn't date people who don't text. Like she doesn't date smokers or something. What's next?, I thought. Would us non-texters be forced to stand outside of restaurants and bars in the freezing cold, making regular phone calls, while the texters got to stay inside. Or would there be texting and non-texting sections with the non-texters being hermetically sealed off from the rest of the people in our own little technology challenged bubble?
Then she continued:
Her: I'm just really busy, and don't have time to talk to people all the time.
Me: So when you go on a date with a guy, do you just sit across from one another, and text each other, or do you have an actual conversation?
Her: Huh? What're you talking about?
Me: Nothing. Never mind.
Her: I don't see what the big deal is? You should start texting.
Me: Nah, that's okay.
And the conversation was pretty much over. But at least now, I won't be as annoyed when I call my friend, the whitest, most rhythmically disabled person on the planet, and get sent to voicemail after half a minute of sitting through: "Mothafucka you retarded. You touch 50, I'll leave you dearly departed!"