I had the distinguished honor last night of speaking with a Harvard graduate. At least that's what she'd say. To me it was more torturous than honorable. This Ivy league alumnus mentioned the fact that she went to Harvard 11 times in the half hour we spoke. I counted. That's like once every 3 minutes...I think. I'd be more certain, if I went to Harvard myself, and knew how to divide stuff. They definitely teach them kinda fancy book learnin' things at Harvard...but what they clearly don't teach is how to shut the fuck up about how you went there.
I can recall almost every instance in which she just happened to throw in the fact that she went to Harvard.
1. "I went to Harvard so I lived in Boston for a while, but I've been back for three years." - In response to my question, "Have you lived in NY your whole life?"
2. "My roommate from Harvard was in town so we hung out." - In response to, "What did you do this weekend?"
3. "There's this great Italian place in Harvard Square." - In response to my comment that I'd eaten Italian food earlier in the day.
4. "Can you hold on a sec. My roommate from Harvard is calling. I just want to make sure she made it home okay."
5. "Yeah, she's great. I really love seeing her. Harvard was so much fun with her. She's really brilliant." - In response to, "Did she make it home okay?"
6. "Well, that's fine. I mean, it's not Harvard, but it's fine." In response to, "I went to Brooklyn College."
There were five others just like that. Her only saving grace was that she didn't say "H-A-A-ARVARD!" with a fake English accent every time she mentioned her beloved alma mater. Otherwise, my City University going ass would have had to have hung up on her.
I told her we should speak later in the week to arrange a time to meet. When I'm interested in actually meeting, I make the date on the spot. When I'm not, I tell them we should speak later in the week. I wonder if her Harvard mind will be able to figure that out. If not, maybe her roommate from Harvard can explain it to her. I hear she's brilliant.