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Monday, November 26, 2007

The Harvard Graduate

I had the distinguished honor last night of speaking with a Harvard graduate. At least that's what she'd say. To me it was more torturous than honorable. This Ivy league alumnus mentioned the fact that she went to Harvard 11 times in the half hour we spoke. I counted. That's like once every 3 minutes...I think. I'd be more certain, if I went to Harvard myself, and knew how to divide stuff. They definitely teach them kinda fancy book learnin' things at Harvard...but what they clearly don't teach is how to shut the fuck up about how you went there.

I can recall almost every instance in which she just happened to throw in the fact that she went to Harvard.

1. "I went to Harvard so I lived in Boston for a while, but I've been back for three years." - In response to my question, "Have you lived in NY your whole life?"

2. "My roommate from Harvard was in town so we hung out." - In response to, "What did you do this weekend?"

3. "There's this great Italian place in Harvard Square." - In response to my comment that I'd eaten Italian food earlier in the day.

4. "Can you hold on a sec. My roommate from Harvard is calling. I just want to make sure she made it home okay."

5. "Yeah, she's great. I really love seeing her. Harvard was so much fun with her. She's really brilliant." - In response to, "Did she make it home okay?"

6. "Well, that's fine. I mean, it's not Harvard, but it's fine." In response to, "I went to Brooklyn College."

There were five others just like that. Her only saving grace was that she didn't say "H-A-A-ARVARD!" with a fake English accent every time she mentioned her beloved alma mater. Otherwise, my City University going ass would have had to have hung up on her.

I told her we should speak later in the week to arrange a time to meet. When I'm interested in actually meeting, I make the date on the spot. When I'm not, I tell them we should speak later in the week. I wonder if her Harvard mind will be able to figure that out. If not, maybe her roommate from Harvard can explain it to her. I hear she's brilliant.


Brian said...

I could almost see her sitting there in her graduation cap, and holding her haaarvard diploma while she was on the phone with you.

rebecca said...

What a stuck-up bitch.

VB said...

I've experienced the same thing. People who went to Harvard, love to remind you that they did. I'm sure not all, just the douchebags I've met, and some of those douchebags are my friends.

paul said...

It's not just Harvard. It's all the Ivy leaguers that love to repeat over and over where they went to school. I went to Cornell myself...see I just did it too. Must be a habit I formed during my days at Cornell...when I was a student Cornell, that is.

Intuitor said...

Those emotionaly unintelligent bitches from Haaarvard wind up marrying elite members. ;)
All I can say is that America is still a pretty stratified society.
And people from Harvard etc have totaly different experience of living here, getting jobs, getting laid etc.
I have a friend who went to UPenn, though, who totally disses the idea of holding a diploma from there. He says "the diploma is good to wipe my arse" (In Scottish, not English accent).
By the way, in terms of education, all average american colleges, not the selective ones, resemble institutions of higher learning only architecturaly.

Nikki said...

Self esteem 101 is clearly not a required course at Harvard. If it was, she wouldn't have felt the need to tell you she went there over and over again. I once went on a date with a guy who went to Yale who did the same thing. By the end of the date, all I really knew about him was that he went to Yale and that I never wanted to see him again.

Gmoney said...

H-a-a-a-arvard B-e-e-eyotch!

Ron said...

Funny that you posted this. In the paper, they said that it was the 400th anniversary of the birth of John Harvard!

Dori said...

I live in Boston and everyone and their cousin went to some Ivy league school or another. And people try so hard to be modest that they come off as even more pretentious. If you ask them where they went to college, they'll say "Cambridge" or "New Haven" or "New Jersey".

That girl sounds really hateful.