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Wednesday, November 28, 2007


Last night I had a date with a great woman. No really. I mean it. She was beautiful, had some very admirable career aspirations, and was really quite sweet. So why am I writing about her in my "Diary of a Disillusioned Dater?" Well, obviously at some point I became disillusioned.

She sat there telling me about how she quit her job as a model so that she can become a motivational speaker and help teenagers lead productive lives. I listened intently, as I tried to get past the fact that she used to be a model; not a supermodel, or anything, but one of those JC Penney type catalog models, which was more than enough to keep me interested. I sat there envisioning her modeling discount swimwear, and irregular brassieres, as she described to me in detail why she felt the need to help teenagers. She had a rough time in her teens, and wanted to offer others in similar situations the benefit of her experiences so that they can avoid making similar mistakes. All great, I thought...until I chimed in with my two cents.

"Teenagers nowadays are very cynical," I said. "It won't be easy getting through to them."

"What do you mean?" she responded.

"You know how kids that age can be," I said. "They think they know everything, and don't want to be lectured to. A lot of them are obnoxious assholes."

"No," she retorted. "I meant what does the word 'cynical' mean?"

It was at that point that I heard the SOUND EFFECT in my head that they play on the Price is Right when you lose at Plinko. I knew it was over, and that no matter how unbelievable looking this woman was, and how admirable her goals, I couldn't take her seriously. I was half expecting Bob Barker to come out of retirement, put his arm around me and say, "Sorry, but thanks for playing. We'll be right back with more Price is Right after this."

I mean, had I used a word like "circumlocutious," or "verisimilitude," I could understand her asking for a definition. Hell, I'd have to go to myself to be entirely sure of their meanings. But CYNICAL? That's just a word a 32 year old needs to know, especially if she wants to be a motivational speaker.

I've dated attractive women in the past that weren't too bright, and had trouble with multi-syllabic words, but I'm not looking to go down that road again. I wish her well in her future endeavors, but I'm not quite sure she possesses the oratory skills necessary to accomplish her goals. Maybe she'll develop them. Who knows? But for now, I'll just have to let this one go, and hope along with Bob Barker that she remembers to spay and neuter her pets because a minimum of an 8th grade vocabulary is a must for me.


Isaac said...

Cynical is a tough word...if you're 5.

Chris said...

Ah, so she's semi-illiterate. Since when has that stopped a guy from trying to bone a hot chick?

harry said...

I too would be turned off by a woman who didn't know what cynical meant, but Chris has a point.

Miranda Murphy said...

Hey - at least you know she didn't go to Harvard.

Shoshana said...

Is English her native language?

Marc F. said...

She was born and raised on Long Island. I almost wish she was from another country, but sadly English is her native language.

Intuitor said...

A lot of people confuse the words cynical, sarcastic, and skeptic. She might have been trying to ask you which meaning you were referring to.
For example in charedi orthodox Yeshivas for girls, when a student questions her teacher she is called cynical, while the more appropriate word would be skeptical. This is not only because the women teaching in charedi yeshivas have their heads up their asses but also because there is wide spread confusion regarding the meaning of these difficult words. This all goes back to ancient Greeks who had the philosophical schools of cynics, skeptics, stoics, and epicureans.
But I agree with the commenter above who said you should have banged her.

Ron said...

My sister spent a semester at a school in Long Island. her roommate asked her if Maryland was between Long Island and Upstate.

Anyway, I agree with Chris. Maybe you are too cynical on your chances for a second date? Either that or you should introduce this one to the Harvard grad. I'd bet they'd become best friends!

On a more serious note, does this woman have other good qualities? I mean, maybe she is a really nice person. She seems caring if she wants to speak to (possibly cynical) teenagers. Heck, if she can cook, why care what words she doesn't know!

Marc F. said...

Ron, I was under selling it in the post. This chick, though well intentioned, is seriously dense.

As for boning her anyway, yeah sure, I thought of that...a lot. But I'm at that point where I need more than a pretty face and a hot body. As tasty as it would have been, it gets old when there's nothing else there besides the body. Plus, who's to say she'd even wanna bone me?